8 Sure Ways
To Make The
by Edward Hall, D.D.
March 13, 2019
When my friend Kent decided to marry for the third time, I wasn’t surprised. As a longtime friend, who had chronicled his previous bouts with marriage, I knew he still had no understanding of what he was doing. He was getting married because he didn’t enjoy living alone and his current girlfriend lucked out because she happened to be current when the marriage bug hit him again. Unfortunately, when I suggested he pray about his decision to marry, he balked at the idea.
“Man, I don’t need to pray abut getting married. This ain’t no life or death situation. I know what I’m doing!”
Ironically, it was the same identical comment he had made to me twice before, when he got married. The first marriage lasted four months. The second time he flew to Vegas and married a woman he’d been living with two years. He dated other women before he got married and continued to do so after he got married. On the eve of his “Wedding Flight,” he was on his way to an ex-girlfriend’s house “for a last hurrah.” That marriage lasted six months. The third marriage lasted ninety days. After Kent’s last marriage failed, he began drinking heavily and his health began to deteriorate.
His scenario is not an uncommon one. The divorce rate in this country substantiates this. Too many people are relying on their own judgment in choosing a mate and it’s not good enough. Through the years, I’ve watched what I call “God-less marriages” (marriages where God is not included in the bonding) try and fail. When most of us get married, we are hoping and usually believe at the time, that we have found the perfect match. But perfect matches are design couples made by God and God only.
It is common for most of us when we’re in trouble to call out for God’s help, but it seems we only wish to allow Him to be in charge of that which we feel we have no control over. But if God were included more in one of life’s most important decisions, such as marriage, the divorce statistics would drop drastically.
When a man or woman decides that he/she wants to marry, they should pray for God to lead them to the husband or wife of His choosing. As we bring our requests before Him and submit ourselves to His direction, we can be certain that He will give us nothing but what He wants for us, which is always the best.
Many of us grow tired from waiting and often opt for what’s close by or available. Marriage needs two things in order to survive, (survive meaning that two people live together in wedded bliss and their existence together is not a miserable one or one that is void of joy and contentment) sincere love for one another and God’s sanction of the union.
Just like we pray and wait on the Lord to heal a loved one, not let someone die or bless our monetary need, we must do the same when choosing a mate for life (and we must not forget that God intends it to be for life). It is intelligent to wait on the Lord, the One who provides all we need. However, this is not an easy lesson or an easy exercise.
When a man or woman longs to be married, the wait can be very, very hard. But it must be understood that any delay encountered is for your own good. As long as we wait humbly, submissively and obediently, we need not worry that we’ll miss God’s direction about which way is the best way. Here are 8 practical points to consider before marriage.
- Does your potential mate show restraint when angered? Is he/she addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, sports or impulse spending.
- Does your mate show affection?
- Are your mate’s inner qualities more attractive than the outer qualities?
- Is he/she a responsible person? The glow of romance dies quickly when one’s partner does not rise to the occasion when responsible action is needed.
- Are you a good “catch”? Would you make a good marriage partner for someone considering marriage?
- Don’t rush! Take your time and evaluate your choice. Make sure you have no doubts before you say, I do. Marriage is much easier to get into than it is to get out of. Every man and woman I know who had doubts before marriage, made a terrible mistake by going through with the marriage. In each case, all of the marriages ended in divorce or tragically.
- Trust God and wait on His direction and don’t confuse it with what you think you want. And when you pray, pray expectantly. Don’t let a miracle pass you by.
- Don’t marry without premarital counseling. It’ll make a world of difference in your life together. It’s one of the smartest moves a couple could make.