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After Divorce:
One Man’s
Journey Back

by John Andes

April 12, 2019

Unlike most of my married buddies, when I got married I traded the streets and the “boys” for romantic antics in the kitchen and serious conferences over bills due.  In other words, I was committed.

However, when my marriage ended two years ago due to irreconcilable differences and my balloon of contentment burst, I found myself back where I started from.  I had a busy life with work and visiting my kids, but as time permitted, I attended every event that held potential promise for new romance.  Though I felt seasoned and carefree, I was accustomed to sharing my thoughts, my aches, and moments of grandeur.  Therefore, I wanted another “soulmate.”  (I believe in each man’s lifetime, he has at least two allotted to him.)

I frequented all the social gatherings where I would expect my kind of woman to be and I didn’t consider myself hard to please.  I just wanted a woman with physical attributes that made me tingle and a personality that balanced well between intellect and excitement.

I didn’t expect it to be a difficult task.  After all, the odds were blatantly in my favor.  I held the power of approach and choice, and I had a lot to offer.  After all, men of my genre were considered prized items on any “search list.”  I was physically acceptable, after regular workouts at the gym,  and employed reputably, (an architect at a large firm) with all the trappings of success.

But I was wrong.  It turned out to be more difficult than I imagined and the first six months after my divorce were the hardest.

My loneliness seemed to trigger a subconscious yearning to immediately replace a wife, whose failure to live up to my expectations had brought great disappointment, with a better version of female traits.

As time progressed, I was out almost every night and as parties grew sporadic, I began to frequent those clubs where I knew there was no shortage of female companionship or conversation.

Between the club visits and matchmaking scenarios by friends, I was meeting almost four women a week.  Some were pretty.  Some were smart.  But few were exciting enough to sustain my attention for any length of time.

During this time of hedonistic activity, I discovered that many women don’t wait anymore for a guy to make up his mind.  They work hard and quick to make it up for him.  On many occasions,                                 “.

I met one gorgeous woman at a conference, who after subtly hinting to see me again, called me later that evening and invited me out for drinks.  I sprang for the action, but after two weeks of “play,” she disqualified herself with over the top demands. She wanted all of my time and attention.

I found in most instances of “boy meets girl” that I had little to do, but be open and somewhat compliant.  My phone rang constantly with offers of dinner, dance and mischief, but my search continued…

I wanted her to be tantalizing, but I also wanted a woman who appeared “fed,” stable and a little less assertive.  I wanted to feel in charge and I came to realize that I was more old school than I thought.  Like most men, I didn’t want it to be a hard chase, but I had to have some exercise.  If it’s too easy, it’s no fun.

Over the next few months, I began to interview selectively for the position on my right arm.  My “void” had been appeased and I was no longer a slave to the aftermath feelings of rejection from my divorce.  I was now a man of patience.  A man of acquired taste.  A man healed.  A man who knew what he wanted.

For nine months, I went out with four special women, all of whom made a significant impression.

The first one was a corporate beauty whose smarts and great body kept me fascinated for a while, but we didn’t have enough in common.

The second one was well-dressed and very independent.  She had pretty eyes that I often got lost in, but she had two kids and I already had two of my own.  I had no interest in being a stepfather.

The third one was tall and athletic, with a great sense of humor.  And for a while, I was intrigued with her discipline and her locks of sandy hair, but I still wanted more and more was beginning to take shape in my mind.  That more was a certain something that inexplicably connected you spiritually to another human being, and I knew that whenever I encountered it, I would recognize it.

The fourth one was very pretty and accomplished.  Out of all of them, she held my interest the longest.  With her, I never knew what she’d do next.  Her unpredictability kept me in great anticipation.  She was simply exciting to be with. She liked me, but she didn’t try to possess me.  Her favorite expression was, “you can’t force the flow” and she abided by her words.  Around her, I felt a spiritual connection that had heretofore been absent.  She had the greatest smile in the universe…but still I knew she wasn’t the one after she surprised me by showing up at the golf club where I often played, and I wasn’t glad to see her.

For awhile, I wandered aimlessly and “window-shopped” from afar.  Reading (my favorite pastime) and the business at hand became my contentment for the hour, as the wheels of romance ceased to turn in my favor.

Then one day, it happened.  I was riding in the car one morning on my way to play golf with one of my golf buddies, when we spotted a beautiful woman standing on the road outside her car, which had a flat tire.  We stopped to assist her and she informed us that she was waiting on her motor club to send roadside assistance.

Since her car was on a remote strip of the highway, we decided to wait with her.  By the time, the road service truck arrived we had exchanged numbers and made a date for dinner the next day.

When she walked into the restaurant the following evening, I knew when I looked up and watched her walk to our table, that I had finally met the woman Fate intended for me.  She was witty, smart, unpretentious, gracious, family-oriented, classy, genuine and very interesting.

As I drove home that evening, after not wanting to leave her, I kept trying to pinpoint in my head, what made her so different from all the other women I had met since my divorce.  By the time I arrived at my apartment, I figured it out.  She had a purity about her being that made me feel light-hearted.

For the first time since my divorce, I was seriously anticipating being in the presence of a special woman again, and I knew this time it would be permanent and I was right.     After three weeks of being together every day, we eloped to Vegas.


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