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Bonita’s Blog

Who Would

You Blame?

by Bonita Bennett

Last month for me, was a busy time for hand-holding.  One friend was about to go out of her mind when she called crying after her abusive lover dumped her and wouldn’t tell her why. Most in our circle felt she shouldn’t have been so diminished over his departure.  However, her problem is not an unusual one.  Though she knew the relationship wasn’t healthy for her, she was bombed out over his decision to leave her. In other words, she felt rejected and ego-scarred.

Ironically, the day before, I met two other friends for lunch, who tearfully expressed their pain and frustration over the ending of their respective relationships.  After listening, I realized that the two of them had caused the demise of the relationship because of their blindness to their own failings.  In the case of both women, they had knowingly entered into triangle relationships with the attitude of winning their guy’s singular devotion, and ended up losing big-time.   One guy ended their relationship one week and married “the other woman” the next.  The other guy confessed he had come to the realization that he really loved “the other woman” and wanted to end the relationship and become monogamous.

Every day somewhere in the world, some poor soul is in need of “bandaging” after falling and hitting the concrete on “love’s playground” for one reason or another.   This usually occurs when we end up landing somewhere we’re not supposed to be, and deep down we know it. When relationships go sour, some are shocked like my friends, but it’s usually due to the antenna in our heads being turned off by our illusions.

Too often, in our search for romance, some of us choose to connect emotionally with those we weren’t “assigned” to.  Instead of being fixed mentally on finding the divine soul mate, we plunge ahead on our own volition and stop at “the first drink of cool water” we see.  In the process, sometimes we sidestep our intuition, values and common sense for a smidgen of companionship mixed with a little hope.

There are too many singles guilty of placing deep feelings and unrestrained emotions in the hands of an unworthy partner, and then cry foul when things don’t work out to their satisfaction.  The deterrent to this is to be on the high end of the self-esteem bar and be focused to only accept the best in relationships.  Though, there are many relationships that end because of deceit, loss of chemistry and other reasons, there are too many break-ups allowed to slowly dissolve on the basis of conflicting desires and unreasonable expectations.

Bonita Bennett, publisher  Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of  the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,”  and The Coming Of Dawn.  She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field.  Bonita Bennett is the publisher and founder of Being Single Magazine

Be sure to get your copy of  her two books…Meanwhile, read the  excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your DreamsThe Smart Woman’s Guide To Romance.

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