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Bonita’s Blog

When Your

Name Is Not

On The List…

by Bonita Bennett

Recently, while in attendance at the bridal shower of a prominent bride to-be, I was surprised to hear the host on the phone explaining to someone why they hadn’t been invited.  She was holding the phone away from her ear and making exasperated faces.  When she hung up, she began to complain loudly about the several calls that day from people asking to be invited or wanting to know why they were not.

As she talked, I recalled a recent story I’d heard about a woman who became so angry when her name was left off a list to a very prestigious party, that she keyed the car of the host and accosted her in public about being overlooked.

Though her actions were uncommon, her feelings weren’t.  No one wants to be excluded, where they feel they should have been included.  But I’m always in awe of the lack of pride or inflated ego that would propel a person to pick up a phone and ask, “Why wasn’t I invited?…or “Can I be included?”

There are also those who will stop you on the street, (I’ve had this happen to me) and say, “You didn’t have to invite me to your party!”…or “I thought we were friends.”  I’ve found that misconceptions regarding personal relationships abound around us, because of misguided expectations.  Many of us use the word friend too loosely, and often misinterpret the actions and gestures of others to mean what they do not.

Everyone who smiles at you, laughs with you, winks at you, interacts with you, or shares their personal details with you, may not be interested in socializing with you.  In other words, you may enjoy someone at work, but never fathom them on your social scene.

As a rule, a private party is for a select group of people who the host wishes to socialize with…so why do we take it so personally when our name is omitted from the list?  Is it because most of us walk this earth in a conscious and unconscious quest to belong, and/or to be recognized as special?  When our feelings or egos are hurt because we weren’t invited or included, it sends a clear message to our psyche that we’re not special enough, or that we misunderstood a relationship or our status in the mind of someone else.

This is especially prominent among those who are confused about their importance, which to them lies in the eyes of others.  The fact is, if your “friend” had a party and didn’t invite you, you may need to review the term, and if you fail to make a certain list, it shouldn’t be taken personally. Sometimes an omission is due to oversight, agenda, or relevance. Just remember, you can never miss out on being where you’re supposed to be in accordance with Fate’s agenda.

Whatever the case may be, in my mind, the most important list to be concerned about is the one that comes out on Judgment Day.

Bonita Bennett, publisher  Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of  the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,”  and The Coming Of Dawn.  She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field.  Bonita Bennett is the publisher and founder of Being Single Magazine

Be sure to get your copy of  her two books…Meanwhile, read the  excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your DreamsThe Smart Woman’s Guide To Romance.

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