From The Locker Room

“The Worst Advice

I Ever Took”

February 15, 2018

Women:

• “I walked up to a handsome guy at a party and asked him to dance, after being urged on by my girlfriends, and he told me in a very condescending tone that he didn’t dance with women.”
• “After discovering my husband in an indiscreet position with my best friend, my mother and sister advised me to hang on for dear life, because I would lose too much if I divorced him.  I forgave him and hung on and nine months later, he divorced me and married her.”
• “A girlfriend moved out of town and left her gorgeous boyfriend behind.  One night, I was feeling particularly lonely and my best friend advised me to call him and invite him over for pizza.  She assured me that she had seen him looking at me in an admiring way.  When I called, he claimed to be flattered, but said he didn’t think it would be appropriate because of his past relationship with my friend.  I was so embarrassed.  But I felt even worse, when I told my brother about it and he said that the guy just didn’t find me attractive.  Because a man could care less about what’s appropriate when it comes to being with a woman he’d like to be with.”

Men:

• “I was having some problems with a woman I dated who felt very rejected when I ended the relationship. She slashed my tires, had my phone disconnected and my mail re-routed.  My best friend advised me to try the intellectual approach by inviting her out to dinner for purposes of trying to reason with her.  He insisted that I suggest the benefits of us forming a friendship in a candlelit environment.  But when I mentioned the word friendship, she turned over the table in the restaurant, and stormed out in anger.  The next day, she slashed my tires again.  I was finally put out of my misery when she met someone else.”
• “Two weeks before I was to marry, I met another woman who completely blew me away. There was no question in my mind that it was real love at first sight, and that I could not go through with the wedding.  My mother advised me to take a vacation (to go away and think) and to tell my fiancee that I had changed my mind about marriage, because I no longer felt that I was ready.  My sister, on the other hand, badgered me to tell my fiancée the truth.  She convinced me that women in general feel better about anything when a man is truthful with them.  But when I told my fiancée the truth, she hit me in the head with an iron skillet, and I ended up in the hospital.  When I got out of the hospital, the other woman was dating my cousin.”