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Grudge Holders

Could You Forgive This?

by Jan Pitts

January 11, 2019

“I will never forgive my sister because she slept with my ex-husband, while I was married to him.”

This is what my friend said after we ran into her sister in a restaurant and she refused to speak to her.  They had not spoken in three years. I have a cousin who keeps a mental diary of every offense that has ever been committed against her, which includes the name of the offender and the date it occurred.  Too many times, I’ve been in her company when the name of an “offender “ comes up in conversation, and she quickly rattles  off the past offense and whatever other negative biographical information she knows on the person. She holds grudges better than anyone I know.

As I write this, I can think of the various people in my life and the assortment of hurts and pains I’ve endured that could easily come up on my memory screen, if I spent any energy reflecting on the past.  I’m just grateful I learned a long time ago to forgive and forget.   However, for many, the “sin” is unforgivable.

Carla: “ I will never forgive my former best friend who I caught with my boyfriend in the back of his car in front of his house.  I was able to forgive him, but not her. My friends think I’m crazy because I am of the opinion that she threw herself at him and he couldn’t resist the temptation.  For him, it was just a lustful act. For her, it was an act of evil sprung from jealousy. I also felt the most hurt by her because I shared my innermost secrets about him with her.  I can’t forgive her.”

Judy: “I told a close friend a family secret, and she ended up telling it to the member of my family who was the victim in the story. It caused untold pain, division and hardship, which came about because I put my trust in the wrong person.  I will never forgive her.”

Cindy: “When my husband left me last year, I called my best friend crying, and she told me to “shut up whining” because I had pushed him away because of a hygiene problem.  I was so stunned that I hung up the phone without saying a word. Her words hurt me more than my husband’s departure, and I’ll never forgive her.“

Ivy: “A close friend did something to me that I will never forgive. She woke me up one night and insisted on picking me up to accompany her back to a party because she wanted to show me something important. When we got there, my fiancé was all hugged up with an ex-girlfriend in a corner. I was so angry I walked all the way home, and I never spoke to him or her again.”

What do you say?  Could you forgive any of the above?

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