Do You Fit?
by Bonita Bennett
If you HAD to pick one of the above words, which one would come closer to defining you? I ask this question often of friends and colleagues and find it exceptional when someone claims to be a 7 or above. I believe that having the guts to live your truth takes a special courage held by few.
Common Scenario #1: One woman wrote how a co-worker embarrassed her in a meeting by making a belittling comment regarding her attire. She was angered by her remark, but instead of letting the woman know how she felt, she said nothing and began to avoid the woman. When the woman confronted her about being ignored, she lied and said she was just having some personal problems. The woman admitted however, that she felt like such a coward, but the truth would have required a courage she didn’t have and a confrontation she didn’t want. Her feelings are not uncommon, which is why bullies reign on so many levels in our society.
“Being real” is such an overused cliché in our society today, but in certain arenas it has very little substance. Yet, those who are daring enough to be upfront about who they are and what they really feel are rare and usually highly respected.
Another reader wrote that she is “deathly” afraid of conflict and therefore leads a life of submission and restraint where she accepts and tolerates the unacceptable. Unfortunately, those with this problem usually end up in the back row of life, hoping to get to the front through someone else’s benevolence.
Common Scenario #2: A friend complained about how a mutual friend hadn’t returned any of her calls in the last three months and she didn’t understand why. I knew why. Our mutual friend shared her feelings and the nature of the offense with me, but didn’t wish to engage in a verbal confrontation with the “offender.” She did what is common practice for some…she vacated the relationship. She cut her off without a word and left her hanging to figure it out. Unfortunately, this is not an unusual scenario. It is common practice is to be offended by someone, and never tell them…but tell others.
There are many who are ignored, passed over and condemned for various infractions they don’t even know they committed. One guy was passed over for promotion because he failed to thank his boss for the wedding gift he gave him. It turned out that his boss was angered by what he viewed as ingratitude, but never expressed it. Yet the man was penalized for his “sin” without ever knowing why.
I’ve observed members of the “keep it real club” make strong negative comments and when confronted, they deny their words and withdraw sheepishly with a lie on their lips, and their self-esteem in their pockets.
What about you? Do you keep it real in your world? If so, which word describes you best?
Bonita Bennett, founder, publisher Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,” and The Coming Of Dawn. She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field. Bonita Bennett is also the editor-in-chief of Being Single Magazine. Be sure to get your copy of her two books…Meanwhile, read the excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming Of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams