Point Of View
Men & Their Feelings:
by John Andes
March 12, 2019
I think it would help if women understood that they really don’t have too many clues about what really turns a guy on and what doesn’t. Most women think that sex is the ultimate for us, but few understand that it’s not the end-all.
While one woman is getting her hair weaved, because her man tells her that he is a fan of long hair, he could be busy cuddling up to another woman with short hair, or no hair at all.
You see, men know what they don’t like, but they’re not always certain about what they could like, until they see a “package” that appeals to them.
When I divorced a couple of years ago, I realized I’d made a great mistake by marrying the wrong woman. Before I got married, I was dating two women, and I felt like I loved both of them for different reasons. I loved one because she was smart and sexy, and the other because she was pretty and independent. But I ended up marrying the one who I felt loved me more…the smart, sexy one, so I wouldn’t get bored.
But it didn’t work, because I went into the halls of marriage in a confused state, though I felt certain I was making the right decision. You see, men are “feelings” driven, where women tend to be more “needs” driven. One of the reasons why some of us appear fickle is because our “feelings” can be influenced by our moods, sex drive, and the thrill of new discovery.
In other words, guys are complex creatures who don’t always understand themselves or why they end up in some of the places in life, they end up in.
When I became single again, I began inadvertently looking in all the places I expected my kind of woman to be, parties, conferences and wedding receptions. I don’t consider myself picky, but I did expect to find a woman who was attractive, intelligent and exciting to me.
During what I called, “the replacement period,” I was meeting three or four women a week. Some were pretty, some were smart, but I had a hard time finding someone who sustained my attention for more than a week. I was looking to be fascinated, and I was having a hard time coming across someone with that quality.
However, because men are more sensitive than women think we are, I found myself lying to one woman, when I wanted to see another woman, because I didn’t want to be responsible for blatantly hurting someone’s feelings.
I also found that most women I met were apt to become attached more quickly than guys, and I believe it’s based on the total opposite ways we view the whole sex issue.
When a woman gives her body to a man, she usually gives up a piece of her soul, and what he feels seldom comes close to that. Therefore, a guy can be with one woman for years, and like her, but know deep down that he doesn’t love her, and that’s why he won’t make the ultimate commitment to marry her.
I think few women are really shocked when their man chooses another woman over them, because women have a natural intuition that feeds them the truth about whether or not they are well thought of by the man in their lives.
When I finally met a woman who was everything I was looking for (this is something a guy just knows instinctively, but can’t always explain) I broke the news truthfully to the other woman I was dating at the time, and she behaved, as if I had crushed her world.
I felt bad, but I was also puzzled. We had been together eight months, and we’d had a great time. However, I had never told her I loved her, and I never pretended to be monogamous. Yet, she was angry, and expressed it, as if she felt betrayed. Later, I came to realize that the source of her anger was ego, (losing out to another woman) and the hope factor. She was hoping I was the one, but I wasn’t, and I (in my mind) gave no evidence that I possibly could be.
The old saying that when a guy meets a woman, he sees a possible hook-up, and when a woman meets a man, she sees a possible groom, is still true. I wonder will these two minds ever meet and see life in the same way. I doubt it.