THE BACHELOR

DIARIES

by C.J. Barker

A Peek Inside The Male Mind

It’s early Friday morning…and I’m in the shower when the phone rings, but I don’t answer it. I know Carmen is on the other end, because she’s been calling since last night.   Carmen is a woman, who has forced her way into my space through a door I mistakenly opened.    Later, I listen to her message and her voice reflects the anger I’d been hearing for the last two weeks.   “Where are you, lover boy?” she says sarcastically.   “Are you in another one of those meetings?  My, you get started early?”   She slams the phone down and I drop my head in a momentary state of disgust.   Carmen is someone I date from time to time, who was on the low end my “casual” list.   A list that consists mainly of women I call when I’m either bored or have nothing else to do.  Those on this list also understand that I am a strong believer in multiple dating.

I made a major mistake with Carmen by seeing her on a Saturday night and sleeping with her, after telling her that Saturdays were reserved for the special woman in my life.   To me, it was a pointed comment to somewhat lessen the intensity that emanated from her every move.   However, to her, it was a position to compete for.  The act was unintentionally misleading because on that particular night, she called right after my original date (who was someone special) had canceled due to illness.  She caught me at a vulnerable time, and in my overreaction to my personal disappointment, she managed to maneuver her way into a night that was off limits to her.  Unfortunately, too much wine on my part  made the scenario worse.

Now for the last four weeks, I have been ducking and dodging every time I see her name on the caller id.

10:00 a.m. – I’m in the office on the phone, and my secretary slips me a note. Amanda is on the line. Amanda is slowly moving off the “casual” list. The more time I spend with her, the more I like her. She is not demanding like most women and she has never shown me attitude. I put my call on hold and pick up the other line. “Hey,” I say in a tone that reflects my pleasure at hearing her voice. “Whatcha doing?”

“I just called to see if you’re flexible enough tonight to cancel your date with your 2,000 fans and go with me to a party I just heard about!” she says.

I laugh. I love her wit and her spontaneity. I don’t have any other plans, but I am not ready to lock in plans so early. I hadn’t really made up my mind yet on who I wanted to be with tonight. I hadn’t talked to Sandy yet and she was on top of the “potential” list at the moment.

“Amanda, that sounds great. Can I call you back in about an hour to let you know? I’ve got some loose ends I need to strap into place, before I can commit right now. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” she replies, in a mock exasperated tone. “That’s what happens when you call a playa playa. I’ll talk to you.”

After she hung up, I regretted instantly that I had put her off. I hadn’t talked to Sandy in two days, and I didn’t even know where she was. She was always off to some clandestine meeting or some big project. She didn’t seem to need me like Carmen or the others. She rarely called unless she was returning my call. I go back to the phone and dial Sandy’s number. There is no answer. I leave a message.

12:00 noon – I’d been busy all morning and I suddenly realized I hadn’t heard from Sandy, and I had promised Amanda that I would call her back. I dial Sandy’s number at work. Her office informs me that she’s not in today. I dial her number at home. I feel anxiety as her phone rings for the sixth time. I hang up the phone on the ninth ring. I’m ticked off.

“Where is she?” I say out loud. I decided that we don’t communicate enough and that I need to talk her more about what she’s doing. I feel shut out and I don’t know why. I swear and slam a drawer. I am disgusted because I feel disturbed and bothered. I call Amanda back. She answers her private line with a cheery voice. I take a deep breath to regroup from my aggravation.

“Amanda, if the invitation is still on, I’ve canceled my appearance before my fans tonight and I’m all yours.” I say, in a restored state of suave.

“Aw,” she says disappointedly. I’m sorry. When I didn’t hear from you in an hour, I assumed you got tied up and I made other plans.”

I almost drop the phone. This day was not going well,

“Okay.” I reply with no smile in my voice.

“No problem, I’ll talk to you on Monday.

When I hang up the phone, I put my head in my hands and make a mental note to take Sandy off the “potential” list and demote her to the “casual” list and move Amanda up to the “potential” list. That night I ended up spending the evening alone watching the game, while Carmen continue to call and leave nasty messages.