MAN-SHARING
The New Dating Game
by Coco Diong
When my cousin Cecelia married a tall fine brother from Texas recently, whom she’d met on an airplane, her girlfriends were all over him at the reception asking if he had brothers, friends, uncles or cousins, who were available. When one of the women inquired about the marital status of an equally attractive cousin who was in his wedding party, he stated that though the guy was single, he was involved with someone. I laughed when the four inquisitors answered “So!” in unison. One of them even quipped, “if he ain’t married, he’s fair game!” So, I wonder…is monogamy still the pinnacle of a relationship? According to surveys yes, but it seems that more women are growing more frustrated than ever in their search for a guy of their own and many are opting to compete for the affections of those who are already connected to someone else.
I talked to several women who are and have been involved on more than one occasion with guys who are very open and candid about their relationships with other women. I found it interesting that most were the opposite of the stereotypical perception of women who usually consent to be the third or fourth wheel in relationships. All were educated, sophisticated, in some cases regretful, and never married.
Ann- 34 …has been man-sharing for over ten years. They were dating and “in love” in college, when he got another girl pregnant and married her. Though she was devastated, she never stopped seeing him.
“ I realize I have been living in a hellish make-believe world of my making for 10 years, but there is really no one to blame but myself. When I look back on how I could ever have wasted so many years loving a guy who rejected me for someone else, it’s actually difficult to believe and to admit that I did. I just found it hard to let go and to come to grips with the reality that he had chosen someone else. For all these years, I rationalized that he had to love me to still want me, but I know better.”
Marilyn – 33 …dating record has included two triangle relationships. She is currently seeing a guy who dates others openly and she is accepting of her position.
“I’m afraid my situation is typical. It’s the scenario of a lot of women when they reach a point in their lives where they are vulnerable due to loneliness. Every time I met a guy who was attached to someone else, I didn’t learn about it until I was very much involved with him, and then I lacked the courage to let go. Because I didn’t want to be alone again, I accepted whatever I could get.”
Marie -30 …is with a guy over 4 years who dates other women openly. “Some of the most gloriously beautiful experiences, both simple and elaborate, and most of the pain, anxiety, feelings of abandonment and being violated, all came from being in love with a man I know is seeing other women. I knew from the beginning it was dumb, but I was hopelessly in love. Now, I’m just trying to offset the need for companionship, which in these times is as elusive as a butterfly.”
Maggie: 27… dates to date only. She’s not interested in commitment or marriage.
“I appreciate guys who are honest enough to say they’re seeing other people, and willing to give a woman the option to become involved, based on the truth upfront. I think a woman needs to assess her needs and wants and then make a decision regarding multiple relationships based on her conclusion. At this point in my life, monogamy or a committed relationship is not important to me. I just want a guy who may be available when I’m available. What he does when I’m not around is irrelevant. I adopted this stance because based on my experiences, there are not enough quality choices to go around. Therefore, sharing a man seems to be a reasonable alternative.”
Karyn-31 … in a triangle relationship for 3 years.
“I never intended to accept being in a triangle relationship with another woman, but I fell in love, and I accepted my role as the other woman because it’s a better option than being alone. In my case, this guy lives with the woman, and it’s almost like he’s married. Though I’m constantly battling my feelings of jealousy, I survive emotionally because when he shows up, he treats me very special, and I’m convinced he loves both of us.”
Sherry- 37…believes sharing a man is a reality for the women of today.
“I have come to the conclusion that it is very difficult to encounter a man who fits my criteria who is not already involved with someone else. I call it healthy competition and I have a new attitude about monogamy. However, I’m not in love. I’m dating him knowing he’s involved with someone else, and keeping my own options open. Women who fall in love with shared men are usually deceived. We are driven by this fierce hope that one day we’ll be chosen over the other. A hope consistently fueled by his skilled ability to ignite the relationship when he senses our dying embers of hope. When they’re married, they set up “appointments” with their lawyers; allegedly “talk” to their wives, set dates for your wedding, and some even take you to get fitted for rings. However, I’m not tricked and when I get tired of sharing him, I’ll move on. If he marries her instead of me, my ego won’t be shattered.”
Cindy - 26 …was in a triangle relationship 6 years, before she finally left him.
“All the characteristics I ever hoped for were all compressed in this one guy. I was vulnerable and weak because of a fear of never finding companionship. The thing that spurred me on in the face of despair was his constant affection and attention. I always held onto the clinging hope that I would one day be his wife. Of course, it never happened. After a while, I just got tired of accepting his behavior and waiting on him to choose me.”
What about you? We’d like to hear from our readers. How do you feel about man-sharing?
Azalea Provides a Wide Selection of Brands and Labels to Satisfy All Your Fashion Needs!MAN-SHARING
