SingleScenes – 3-21-24

SingleScenes

by Sarah Smart

Q.  I decided two years ago to abstain from sex until I got married. I was tired of hot nights and lonely days.  Three months ago, I met a guy who has shown me a love I’ve never experienced.  He’s handsome, stable, and kind, and he has asked me to marry him. He is also willing to do it without knowing me sexually.  The problem is that there is something about him (I suspect he has a split personality) that tells me I would be making a mistake if I married him.  For all appearances, he is everything I’d want in a husband.  But I’m leery.  Do you think I’m letting a loveless past influence me with doubts or should I follow my gut?

A.  You failed to mention whether or not you love him. However, if you have doubts of any kind, don’t do it.  It’s important to follow your gut.  Marriage is a serious step that should not be entered into with any doubt.  Put him off for now and tell him you’re not ready yet.  There may be more to him than you know…people are not always what they appear to be. The last time I didn’t follow my gut, I ended up dating a violent abuser.

Q.  Two months ago, my best friend’s brother gave me a lift home from a chess match, and my boyfriend rang the doorbell five minutes after I got in the house. When I opened the door, he slapped me hard and accused me of cheating on him. When I started crying, he got down on his knees and apologized profusely, explaining that he loved me and he had overreacted.  I’ve been waiting so long to hear those words, that I forgave him since he had never hit me before.  However, since that time he has become more possessive, and I’m afraid he might hit me again.  But I love him, and I don’t want to end the relationship.  What can I do?

A.  I think you should get out while you can. Once a guy hits you, and you accept it, you open yourself up to get hit again.  A man, who can hit a woman once, can hit a woman again.  Possessive people can make your life miserable.  Real love is gentle, kind and void of slaps and suspicion.  The next time could come from the repairman leaving your house.

Got a problem or a confession?  We’ve got the answer.  Send us your scenarios regarding The Single Life to beingsinglemagazine@gmail.com and put SingleScenes in the subject line.