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Bonita’s Blog

The Pitfalls Of A

People Pleaser…

by Bonita Bennett

Not too long ago, I heard the story of a woman whose long time love, (whom she was hoping to marry,) took her out and broke the news over a candlelight dinner that he was about to marry someone else, and he wanted her to hear it from him.  When she broke into tears and began to remind him of all that she had done for him, he interrupted her and explained that her efforts to please through the years had become a burden.  He claimed he felt manipulated, and that she sacrificed her identity to be what she thought he wanted, but had lost him instead.  Though he was blunt in his delivery, this scenario is a familiar one that is being played in many corners throughout the world.  There are too many who consider themselves “love bound” who are doing what they feel they have to do in order to be in a relationship.

One woman told me that she became intimate on a first date “against her will,” because she hadn’t dated in awhile, and she was afraid that if she resisted her date’s advances, he wouldn’t call again.  Unfortunately, despite her actions, he never called again anyway.  Needless to say, aiming to please is more suited for hosts whose utmost desire is to ensure the enjoyment and pleasure of their invited guests to an event.  But in the romance arena, efforts to please should always be secondary to one’s principles and desires.  No one should ever do that which is uncomfortable, for the sake of another’s approval or acceptance.  It should be noted that when this action occurs, it’s a sacrifice that seldom garners respect or favor.

I know a real nice guy who paid his girlfriend’s rent, even though he couldn’t afford it, and complained about it every time the first of the month came up.  But he did it to please her, because he felt he would lose her if he didn’t.    In the end, she “fell in love” with someone else and dumped him.  BTW…The new guy moved in and never contributed to the rent.

As I reflect on all those I know who labor hard to please their mates or friends at the sacrifice of their own dignity and comfort, I see faces pained with misery and confusion.  This is because it’s hard to them to comprehend why their efforts and actions don’t yield the desired result of appreciation or visible gratitude.  But the truth is, there is something in the human psyche that appreciates and highly respects the few who have the guts to be true to themselves, especially with no regard of the perceived prize, than those who are willing to go all out to please undeserving sources.  Therefore, the primary person we must first aim to please, as we move forth on this journey of life is the one we have to live with, (ourselves) and The One who opens our eyes every morning.

Bonita Bennett, publisher  Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of  the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,”  and The Coming Of Dawn.  She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field.  Bonita Bennett is the publisher and founder of Being Single Magazine       Be sure to get your copy of  her two books…Meanwhile, read the  excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your DreamsThe Smart Woman’s Guide To Romance.

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