Viewpoint: Upfront…When Women Can’t Take The Truth

Viewpoint:

Upfront – When Women

Can’t Take The Truth

by Theo McNee

I think like most men when I tire of a relationship I scale back a little at a time with more excuses than an explanation.  I considered the unfairness of this, as my best friend’s ex-fiancee sat across from me blinking back tears, as she pondered the reasons that caused her to be dumped.  As I listened, I felt bad that I couldn’t comfort her.  After all, all I knew was the truth, and the truth wouldn’t have made her feel better.  The truth was that the only mistake she’d made was falling in love with someone who didn’t love her back.

My friend had lied when he canceled the wedding.  But the truth was that he had met another woman who had turned his world upside down.  Four months later, he was planning a church wedding and my friend had been an avowed atheist.

The unfortunate thing is that men often opt to vacate relationships for reasons that are seldom spoken, and too often women are left to speculate, or blame themselves for the split.  Sometimes, these types of fallouts can bring tragic results.  In this case, my friend’s ex-fiancée, spoke candidly about contemplating suicide, because the rejection was just too great to bear.  I spoke with three guys who ended relationships for “greener pastures,” in an attempt to understand why as men we find it hard, to tell the truth.

Gil, 36 – “I had been dating a woman for six months, and I met another woman who I liked and enjoyed more.  Because the first woman was an insistent caller, I was constantly put in the position to lie, because she was always pitching for me to see her more.  Finally, after a stressful weekend of trying to balance my time, I told her I had met someone else and I wanted to move on.  After that, she called me every night for a week crying and begging me to come over so we could talk.  I refused, but I understand why men don’t tell the truth.  The aftermath can bring about too much drama.”

Phil, 33 – “I once dated a woman who threatened to kill herself after I told her I had decided to marry someone else..  She showed up at the church on my wedding day and caused such a scene that the police had to be called.  So much for the truth!”

Tom, 38, – “The last thing a woman wants to hear is that a man prefers another woman to her.  So a guy can’t tell the truth under these circumstances, and he knows it.  The problem also is that few men have the verbal skills to be creative enough to end the affair with no hard feelings.  Once, I told a woman I was dating, that I didn’t feel our relationship was fair to her because I wanted to date other people, and she wanted a monogamous relationship.  Surprisingly, against her will, (because she didn’t want to lose me) she opted to participate anyway, and I knew that would lead to trouble.  So, I suggested friendship with no strings, which she finally accepted reluctantly.  Avoiding the truth is also another reason why some men date more than one woman.  Sometimes, it’s easier to have peace, if you just try to keep everyone happy.  It only becomes a problem when someone wants more or the guy wants more.”