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It’s Over…

Why Some Men

Avoid The Truth

by Theo McNee

January 7, 2019

My best friend’s ex-fiancee sat across the table blinking back tears, as she spoke about the mistakes she believed she’d made that caused her to be dumped.  As I listened, I felt bad that I couldn’t comfort her.  After all, all I knew was the truth, and the truth wouldn’t have made her feel better.  The truth was that the only mistake she’d made was falling in love with someone who didn’t love her back.

My friend had lied when he cancelled the wedding.  He claimed that he was tired of being in a relationship.  But the truth was that he had met another woman who had turned his world upside down, and he couldn’t very well express that.  Here was a guy who made an awful mistake.  He proposed to a woman because he thought she would make a good wife.  She was smart, hard-working and submissive.  But he had no passion for her.  He never looked at her in the way a man looks at a woman, when he dreams of her at night, or in the way my father still looks at my mother after 40 years of marriage.

He was comfortable with her and he respected her…and for him that all translated to a good enough feeling to marry her.  However, that decision flew out of the window, when he met a woman, (though not nearly as attractive as his fiancée) who succeeded in seducing him both mentally and spiritually.  Four months later, they were planning a church wedding and my friend had been an avowed atheist, until he met this woman.

The unfortunate thing is that men often opt to vacate relationships for reasons that are seldom spoken, and too often women are left to speculate, or blame themselves for the split.  Sometimes, these types of fall-outs can bring tragic results.  In this case, my friend’s ex-fiancée, spoke candidly about contemplating suicide, because the rejection was just too great to bear.  I spoke with three guys who ended relationships for “greener pastures,” in an attempt to understand why the truth is seldom told.

            Gil, 36 – “I had been dating a woman for six months, and I met another woman who I liked and enjoyed more.  Because the first woman was an insistent caller, I was constantly put in the position to lie, because she was always pitching for me to see her more.  Finally, after a stressful weekend of trying to balance my time, I told her I had met someone else and I wanted to move on.  After that, she called me every night for a week crying and begging me to come over so we could talk.  I refused, but I understand why men don’t tell the truth.  The aftermath can bring about too much drama.”

           Phil, 33 – “I once dated a woman who threatened to kill herself after I told her I had decided to marry someone else..  She showed up at the church on my wedding day and caused such a scene that the police had to be called.  So much for the truth!”

           Tom, 38, – “The last thing a woman wants to hear is that a man prefers another woman to her.  So a guy can’t tell the truth under these circumstances, and he knows it.  The problem also is that few men have the verbal skills to be creative enough to end the affair with no hard feelings.  Once, I told a woman I was dating, that I didn’t feel our relationship was fair to her because I wanted to date other people, and she wanted a monogamous relationship.  Surprisingly, against her will, (because she didn’t want to lose me) she opted to participate anyway, and I knew that would lead to trouble.  So, I suggested friendship with no strings, which she finally accepted reluctantly.  Avoiding the truth is also another reason why some men date more than one woman.  Sometimes, it’s easier to have peace, if you just try to keep everyone happy.  It only becomes a problem when someone wants more or the guy wants more.”

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