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18 Reasons
Your Call May
Be Avoided

by Bonita Bennett

  1. Make your envy of others apparent. Be sure to point out the negatives associated with whatever name has been mentioned in a positive light.  Example:  “She may be pretty, but I hear she’s on drugs.”

  2. Be sure to discuss all your dreams with someone who wasn’t in them.

  3. Tell a story that you think is interesting and be sure to include every single detail irrelevant to the story. Leave out nothing.

  4. Have no sense of humor, and pretend to be nicer than you really are. In order to do this, you must be able to fake interest, fake sincerity, and fake a smile.

  5. In conversation, be sure to revolve all discussion around you, and show no interest in what the other person is saying. The best way to accomplish this is not to comment until they finish talking and immediately use the breath break to redirect the conversation to you and your interests.

  6. At a moment’s notice, be prepared to go on and on about your personal problems.

  7. Let no one get a word in edgewise. Make it quite evident that your opinion is the only one that counts.  Be sure to butt in, break in and jump in without waiting for a pause.

  8. Also, whenever anyone greets you in public, be sure to give a lengthy update on your latest afflictions, children’s accomplishments, and recent personal accolades and honors.

  9. Never allow anyone to point out where you may have erred and never admit when you’ve made a mistake.

  10. Blame others for your problems and tell all who’ll listen.

  11. Point out continuously how you’ve been wronged and taken advantage of by others, and how unappreciated you are.

  12. Make sure all of your “witty” comments are put-downs concerning others. Say things only for shock valu

  13. Complain constantly about all the little things that bother or irritate you. Make it a habit to announce regularly who and what you dislike.

  14. Be sure to excel at asking impolite questions like… “how much did you pay for your house?…or “how old are you?”

  15. Always push to the front. Do everything you can to be heard, seen, and acknowledged first.

  16. Be loyal to no one. Let it be known that you don’t play favorites.  Give everyone equal opportunity to be betrayed, maligned, and exposed.

  17. Be thin-skinned. Be sure to dish out what you can’t take, and speak whatever comes to mind.  Use your own standard for what’s proper and what’s not.

  18. Brag, brag, brag. Make sure everyone within hearing distance understands how important you are.  Be sure to brag about where you’ve been and who you know.

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