Dating Data: 7 Tough Lessons I Learned This Year…

Dating Data:

7 Tough Lessons I

Learned This Year.

by Lisa Laird

Major Lesson: Listen to my inner voice and follow it. This year, I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I’d heeded that first warning thought that popped into my head.  That first thought usually depicts the truth.  I stayed in and out of relationship trouble because that thought” was mostly overruled by my second thought which was governed by my bad judgment, and my impatience.  I dated one guy five dates too many because I didn’t listen to that inner voice saying ‘stay away from him.’  I finally got the message when he stole my wallet out of my purse.

2.   Never call a man again unless it’s to inform him his car was stolen. It finally dawned on me that men prefer women they have to chase. And when you call them excessively, you can erase the “allure factor” attached invisibly to your appeal.  Therefore, if you let him do the calling, you stand a better chance of aiding him out of his confusion.  I’m convinced men daydream all day every day about the women they can’t figure out.  And when you’re calling, he knows one thing for sure, you want him, and depending on his mood – that’s not always exciting news.

3.   Be more selective in what I “share” with my girlfriends. In a customary state of “boyfriend blues” last year, I told two close friends that I caught my “honey” out with another woman, and how he begged me to forgive him.  Well, I forgave him.  But every time I mentioned his name, they reminded me of what he did, as if I had to be the dumbest woman ever, and the only one who had ever forgiven a man. I put my sacred feelings into callous hands, and I paid for it. 

4.    Never be a girlfriend again. There is too much aggravation and uncertainty in the title “girlfriend.”  You never really know where you stand, and you’re too quick to feel threatened or challenged by the thought of another woman when you have no real commitment.  I know of many “committed” relationships that existed on the “you’re my friend” level that disintegrated into the sand because no one knew what they were doing and there was no real bond.  I had two boyfriends last year, who are no longer on the scene and all I wanted was one husband.

5.    I will not go out with another man where there’s no chemistry. Last year, I spent too much time trying to make something work with a guy, who was a good catch by most standards, but he had no sex appeal.  It was unfair to him and a total waste of my time.  I tried to make it work because he was dependable, kind, and considerate (all the traits I’ve been praying for).  But I also want someone who knocks me off my feet when I’m with him.  

6.    Be more upfront about my feelings and what’s acceptable to me in a relationship. I will no longer rationalize a man’s words or behavior.  From now on, I will call it what it looks like. When a guy acts like he’s confused about me, I will assume he is.  I won’t try to reason that there is some psychological explanation for why he doesn’t call more often.  I will call a spade a shovel and get on with my life.  I will not make excuses for him.  When a man really cares, you don’t have to work the crossword puzzle of love…it’s obvious.

7.    Never cook dinner again for a man until I’ve been presented formally with an engagement ring. My mother was right.  As long as you’re his “girlfriend” you really must let the man do all the initiating of “love acts.”  I learned the hard way that whenever you play too nice, he’ll end up taking you for granted and run off to marry the woman who fed him carry out.  Last year, I cooked elaborate meals, gourmet style for one too many “cowpokes” who have since ridden off into the sunset in search of other ranches to stop at.