Behind The Scene
by Karen Miller
These days, with all the ominous statistics of a guy shortage and the stiff competition among women, some men have been known to change their minds after making the commitment to marry. There seems to be an increase in the number of guys who are abandoning the idea of marriage after proposing to the lady of the hour. When this happens, some women let go and move on with their lives to higher ground or suffer temporary despair, while others become creative in reeling him back in. Here are some interesting stories about the wedding deadlock.
Ellen: “When my fiancé suddenly ended our engagement to work out some ‘vague personal problems,’ I simply stared at him without uttering a word. I showed absolutely no reaction. I got out of his car and slammed the door without looking back. I knew my silence would drive him nuts and it did.. Later, I vented all my frustration to my close friends and family but I never said another word to him. Because I’m a very emotional person, I knew he expected me to call him and beg him to change his mind, but I didn’t. I had to sit on my hands to keep from expressing my anger, but I held fast. Three days later, he called to say he was sorry and begged me to marry him. It seems he’d developed a case of the jitters about getting married, and wasn’t certain he was doing the right thing. Ironically, my mother predicted that he would return.”
Donna: – “When my fiancée stopped calling and became suddenly unavailable, I stopped calling him trying to understand what was wrong. Two months went by and I didn’t hear from him, but when I heard that a gossipy mutual friend was having a party, I went hoping he would be there and took a male co-worker (who is very handsome) as my “date.” My fiancé didn’t show up, but as I suspected he heard about it and called the next day and asked if we could talk. When we met, he expressed that he had become confused about me and his feelings for an ex-girlfriend, and he had to take a break to sort things out. He claimed he realized I was the only girl for him and he wanted to resume our wedding plans. I told him no because I took the ex-girlfriend dilemma as a future problem. I decided I wanted to marry someone who was as madly in love as I was.”
Maria: – “When I learned from my brother that my fiancé was seeing another woman, I didn’t confront him with tears and whys. I was deeply hurt, but I decided to fight for him by using a strategy I watched my aunt use on my uncle when she caught him cheating before the wedding. I called and informed him that I was no longer happy being engaged and I wanted to break off the relationship because I wasn’t ready to be married. I never mentioned the other woman, or his fading interest which had become apparent. I was cordial and very controlled. He seemed to receive the news well as if he was relieved until I told him that I hoped my decision wouldn’t affect our “friendship.” He became hostile and an hour later he called back, apologized and asked if we could meet to talk. When we met, his major concern was if I was already seeing someone else, but I was evasive. The next day he did something I’d always wanted him to do…he gave me a beautiful engagement ring and begged me not to end the relationship. He claimed before that he couldn’t get me a ring because he had too many bills. I accepted his reasoning because I was just thrilled that he proposed. Later, I learned he stopped seeing “the other woman” abruptly, as he suddenly became anxious to complete the wedding plans and get on with it.”
Carla: “When my fiancée broke off our engagement and asked for his ring back, he said that he needed a break from “a serious relationship,” and that he just wanted to feel free. I thought I would die. I couldn’t catch my breath as I handed him the ring. Later, I heard he told a friend that I had gained too much weight and he was turned off. I was hurt by his words, but I began dieting and working out six days a week and eventually lost forty pounds. Four months later, I just happened to be in the lobby of his office building at the time I knew he’d be leaving work. When he saw me, he was all over me like I was a shiny new car. He just couldn’t get over the new me. I smiled, thanked him and scurried away as if I had another agenda. He called that same night and asked me out. When I finally met him for dinner, (I put him off for two weeks) he said he missed me, and that he wanted me back. I forgave him on the spot. (My dad once told me that all men are stimulated by change.) When he got down on his knee in the restaurant and proposed again, I knew he still loved me, as he put the ring back on my finger to a standing ovation.”