From The Male Room:
A “Bad Boy”
by CoCo Diong
If you’ve ever wondered why some men behave the way they do, here’s some insight. *Jake, (who wishes to remain anonymous) is a tall, handsome, successful lawyer, who has been breaking the hearts of women since his college days. A good friend was one of his many “victims.” She caught him out with another woman, at their “favorite” restaurant, after he was supposed to be out of town on a business trip.
When she confronted him about his infidelity on the spot…with no apology, he coldly informed her that he was single and not obligated to anyone. Upon observation, this 35-year-old bachelor has been awful to women. His heart has eluded capture because of his commitment to keeping it sealed off from all enterprising females with that object in mind. He’s had the tires on his car slashed and his windshield broken too often to mention. Admittedly, it was all due to behavior unbecoming a gentleman.
His reputation for being aloof and unavailable emotionally was a legend in his circle, yet the women scurried to be at his side. When I heard he was getting married, I was shocked. I had to interview him to understand how he finally got hooked. It was candid, to say the least. Of course, he insisted on anonymity. We’ll call him Jake.
BS: Do you think the label scoundrel fits you accurately?
Jake: No, not really. But I can certainly see why some women would see me that way. I never set out to hurt anyone, but I was somewhat careless with the feelings of women.
BS: It is common knowledge that you were never interested in marriage. Why not?
Jake: True. I had vowed to never marry. I watched my parents suffer through a miserable marriage until they couldn’t take it anymore and I didn’t want to follow in their footsteps, and that feeling was heightened after an experience in college. My passion for romance dissipated shortly after my college sweetheart broke off our engagement because she wasn’t ready “to be tied down.” She married my football coach three weeks later. After that, all the women I met were kept on the various shelves of my moods and were called upon based on the inclination of the day. If I only wanted sex, I’d call *Sheila. If I wanted sex and a fun evening, I’d call *Joanne. When I wanted stimulating conversation, I’d call *Carla…so to speak. My position on marriage was reinforced by the fact that every married buddy I had except one, was struggling to overcome his decision because he was miserable.”
BS: What made you decide to marry?
Jake: Last year, I was seeing four women, and I spent a lot of time dodging phone calls and being available by whim only. I bought two boxes of candy and one expensive bracelet for Valentine’s Day. One woman, who happened to be the prettiest, had tired of my elusiveness and gave up the struggle. The other three consisted of two who had resigned themselves to second or third place, and one who was commanding first place. She claimed that if she couldn’t be first, she wouldn’t play. Thus, she got the gold bracelet and dinner to boot, because the game was no fun without her. When April rolled around, I was back up to four and dizzy from all the effort it took to deal with all the different attitudes.
By June, I was starting to feel somewhat spent. I knew four women on an intimate level, but I didn’t have one with whom I could really share my soul and suddenly I had a need to do so. Then it happened. In July, I met Diana and my whole perspective on women changed. She was totally different from anyone I’d known before. She was the embodiment of contrasts, and I enjoyed every aspect of her. Whenever she walked into a room, my heart swirled in excitement at the sight of her. ”
BS: What made her so special?
Jake: She was principled, yet flexible, and she possessed a sense of humor that kept me amused on all levels. She was not just pretty, but her femininity had a magnetism that drew me to her. A woman of more beauty usually held her kind of self-confidence, but I was drawn to her freedom to be herself. It was obvious that she cared more about what she felt than what I felt. On our first date, she explained candidly that being in real love was a lifelong dream, but that she was extremely cautious when it came to giving her heart away. She stated that if I was setting her up to be a casual acquaintance, she’d rather I didn’t call her again.
I was enchanted by her honesty. She was sincere and unwilling to trade her heart for a little companionship, and for the first time, I was fascinated and didn’t mind showing it. Four months later, I took my heart out of bondage to the past and fell in love for the second time in my life. By September, I was down to two women, her and the forerunner of the original four. But when I unexpectedly proposed marriage a week before Thanksgiving, I knew I had finally come to the end of my game.
However, when I informed Girl #1 that I was marrying Girl #2, the result was chaotic. But in the end, I became a monogamous guy with a life agenda, which now includes sharing the total me with another human being. I have been made better by the decision to marry and I look forward to gaining a new reputation as a good husband.”