For A Relationship?
by Nicco Micco
December 16, 2017
Step #1: Grade your relationship readiness
You think you’re ready to settle in with someone for the long haul-but are you sure? This exercise will help you figure it out. For each statement, give yourself a check if you agree.
- I’m done with “just fun;” I want to spend my time with someone I really connect with.
- I’m in control of my life (that is, things are in order, I have no big issues distracting me, and I have time to devote to developing a good relationship).
- I’m financially responsible.
- I have a healthy social network of friends and family.
- I have my own dreams and goals – aside from finding a long-term relationship.
Step #2: Review. If you didn’t agree with the first statement, you may not be ready to settle just yet. But, be honest with you, if you’re not in that mindset yet…don’t rush it. Continue to date casually. Now, whether you’re looking for fun or The One, you can still benefit from the exercises. “Every person looking for a serious relationship should strive to be the kind of person he wants to marry,” says Rachna D. Jain, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and life coach.
Step #3 – Study your summer-romance history.
Sipping margaritas outside, splashing around in a kayak: Summer activities make it easier to have amazing times with “just okay” dates. But if you’re looking for a real relationship, try this exercise, “says Jain. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into three columns. In the first, write down the number of “fun” people you’ve dated. In the second, jot down the first word that comes to mind when you think of this person, and, in the last column, summarize – in just a couple of words – why this person wouldn’t be a good long-term partner for you (i.e., too “selfish” or “too adventurous.) If you can’t think of a disqualifying trait for someone, explore the possibility of moving this relationship from fun to serious. If you are no longer dating that individual, consider the possibility of that person being a long-term prospect down the road. You just may open yourself up to a pool of people.
Watch For Part II next week.