To Be Seen
by Coco Diong
My friend was angry. Her name had been left off an invitation list to an party that she deemed important. She couldn’t understand how such an oversight could occur. After all, she was a “friend” of the host.
To make matters worse, when she accidentally ran into the party giver in the supermarket, she accosted him and demanded to know why she hadn’t been invited. He informed her that the party was for close personal friends only. Therefore, she was further dismayed by the fact that her “friend” didn’t see her as worthy to be considered a friend.
Unfortunately, most of us want to feel special, liked and included, but we often knock on the wrong door to be considered…..or are seldom aware of how others perceive us.
I receive letters often from readers who have experienced rejection in one form or another. Some social…..some romance related, and a question often asked is, “what am I doing wrong?” One man wrote “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have no friends, only acquaintances at work. And women seldom respond favorably after the first date.” A woman writes, “I know a lot of people. But I’m seldom invited to parties or events that are considered special.” I don’t know specifically why these people are being socially passed over. But I do know, that few understand that we are greatly responsible for the opinion others have of us. We alone have that power to endear or estrange ourselves based on our ways, words and actions.
Unfortunately, I know too many people whose presence is avoided or seldom sought out due to personality or character flaws that are often alienating. When someone rejects our presence, it is certain that we have failed unknowingly to meet their private and personal needs, standards or requirements which could be attributed to the following reasons:
- talk too much about ourselves.
- exhibit poor manners
- have an uneven temperament.
- hasten to be critical
- are slow to be friendly
- brag relentlessly about personal achievements
- fail to be an interesting or delightful presence.
- exhibit an unpolished presentation
- have lackluster conversation
- outlandishly eccentric
We all look for those who make us feel good…..whose sense of humor, charm and spirit enhances our lives if only for a moment. If one wants to be well-thought of, one must adopt and put into practice those traits and qualities which seem to work for others.
If your attempt at making a social in-road is being cut off at the pass, you may need to take an in-depth look at yourself and identify your fears and insecurities, which greatly influences your behavior. I also find few people have someone to give honest feedback or constructive criticism concerning areas where they need to change, modify or transform to become regarded favorably. I would begin by asking someone whose opinion I truly value.
Bonita Bennett, founder, publisher Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,” and The Coming Of Dawn. She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field. Bonita Bennett is also the editor-in-chief of Being Single Magazine. Be sure to get your copy of her two books…Meanwhile, read the excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming Of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams