by Cynthia Houser
I have yet to meet a guy who had a real clue as to why he really did what he did, and the effect his actions have on others. In the romance arena, a man’s mind, ways, and actions have always been a painful enigma to the unsuspecting females who want so hard to believe that true love has finally arrived when this guy with potential shows up.
In spite of what happened the last time the hallway to our hearts was entered under vague intentions, we are always (with few exceptions) ready to embark once again on the “love boat” in hopes that this “ride” will be our last.
Unfortunately, it’s seldom we’re “on board” for any length of time before we’re washed ashore again by some “mad or confusing act” that we can make no sense of.
John and Kathy had been dating for four months. He called at least three times a day and they saw each other every weekend without fail. They were inseparable, and he made romantic noises like he was content and satisfied. He spoke of past involvements as if there had been none of note, and he took her to meet his mother. Then suddenly, he disappeared without explanation or contact. One day he was there and the next day he was gone.
What did she feel? Perplexed, anger, hurt, devastated.
What did she think? A secret illness perhaps; he was getting too close and he wasn’t ready to get serious…he had a wife somewhere?
What really happened: An ex-girlfriend who had jilted him for another man two years before, came back into his life, claiming a repentant spirit, and his pride and ego enticed him to try it again. He lost interest in what he already had, because he had a need to try and conquer what he had lost. He disappeared without a word, because he couldn’t tell Kathy the truth, and he “couldn’t think up a good lie.”
What happened in the end: He came back to Kathy two months later after it didn’t work out with the other woman. He didn’t tell her the truth. He told her he loved her, and he just had to get away to get his head together. They are back “in love.” But she lives in constant fear that he’ll walk away again and she doesn’t trust him when he’s not around.
Laurie and Len had been dating awhile and the relationship had been intense at one point. However, Laurie was becoming more and more disenchanted with Len. They had been involved for over seven months, and he was starting to act distracted, and less attentive. He didn’t call like he used to and he had begun to cancel dates and behave like his mind was somewhere else, when they were together.
However, when Laurie tried to talk to him about their relationship, and what was going on, he would either evade her questions or tell her he was preoccupied with “family problems and work related issues.” Meanwhile, she continued to exist in the relationship, hoping that this stage was a phase that would eventually work itself out.
She fought to be understanding and ended up enduring great frustration and disappointment. She feared that if she complained too much or did not appear sensitive to his “situation,” she might lose him.
What did she feel? Frustration, sympathy, bewilderment, anger, suspicion and depression.
What did she think? He must care or he wouldn’t keep coming around…It couldn’t be another woman, because he was still sleeping with her…He’s probably worried about his family and losing his job.
What really happened: He had met someone else, who at the moment seemed more exciting and more interesting than Laurie, and he couldn’t make up his mind which one he liked the best. He didn’t wish to break up with Laurie until he was sure of what he had with the new woman. He also didn’t want to hurt Laurie and failed to understand that he was already inflicting pain by not being honest about where his head was.
What happened in the end: After three months of dawdling with Laurie’s feelings and keeping her in the dark, he ended up leaving Laurie for the new woman. He lied and Laurie, he was just too “overwhelmed” with various personal issues to be in a relationship right now.