On The Rise?
by Coco Diong
August 17, 2018
A former college professor was stalked for over five years by a student he befriended. She showed up at his wedding uninvited and caused a scene by pushing his bride in a nearby pond. She was obsessed with having him, and the harassment didn’t stop until she was killed in a car accident.
I used to work with a guy who broke up with a girlfriend to marry someone else, and she went ballistic. She turned into a stalker who followed him everywhere, and when she could get close enough, she would spray him with pepper spray and run. He almost lost his mind. The harassment finally stopped when he beat her up real bad, and she landed in the hospital. She did not press charges.
Studies show that most stalkers are male, but it seems that more females are getting in on this act. Women are more known to target someone they’ve had personal contact with, and there are a rising number of cases where females are stalking other females.
A recent study done by the M Institute put stalkers in several categories, but there were three that stood out to me because I know personally of cases where these behaviors took place.
Rejected Stalkers – pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct or avenge a rejection, ie, divorce, separation or termination. A former classmate’s wife shot him to death on the steps of the courthouse, after he was granted a divorce. She had been stalking him since the breakup and threatening him with violence, but he didn’t believe it would happen.
Resentful Stalkers – pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim. A few years ago, a co-worker, who had been fired, stalked her former supervisor, and stabbed her one day as she was getting in her car. She survived, and ended up leaving town out of fear.
Intimacy Seekers – The intimacy seeker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long sought after imaginary soul-mate and are convinced they were meant to be together. I had a personal experience with this, when I met a woman at a jewelry party. We exchanged business cards after laughing and talking all evening, and she turned out to be a world of trouble. The first time she called, she announced she was a lesbian and that she felt we were destined to meet. I informed her I was heterosexual, but that didn’t stop her. She began to call me at work at least ten times a day whispering terms of endearment on the phone. She finally stopped calling when I threatened her with bodily harm.
Almost daily somewhere in the country, there is a newspaper account of a woman who has been stalked and murdered by an ex-husband or boyfriend. Unfortunately, domestic violence by men is almost common place in this country, but the growing rate of female stalkers is not as prevalent in the news.
If you know you have a female stalker, avoid giving her attention or trying to let her down easily, especially if you know her in person from work or a social situation. Any attention might convince her misleadingly that you are returning her feelings, and might lead to more forceful displays of affection. Some women can be deluded into thinking that their victims are actually in love with them, where male stalkers are more likely not to care whether or not their affections are returned.
Report The Situation
Since a female stalker is more likely to target a male, they often get away with the abuse they inflict because men are less likely to report abuse. They assume they can handle themselves, and don’t want to be viewed as weak in the eyes of authorities. However, women can become violent as easily as men, and some women will back off once they’ve been confronted by the police, so don’t hesitate to file a report.