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The Men…

I don’t care how fine a woman is, I can’t stand to be in the company of one who complains. This ranges from her job to the food in the restaurant, to the hike in her rent.

“On our first date, she told me she was looking for a husband, and if I wasn’t interested in pursuing the possibilities between us, it was best for me not to call her again. I was fascinated by her directness, and I never stopped calling.  We got married nine months later.”

“I once went to pick up a date and her ex-husband opened the door and cordially invited me in. But my instincts told me not to enter that house.  I pretended I had suddenly forgotten something in my car, and drove away.  Later, I heard he’d shown up unexpectedly and pistol-whipped her into unconsciousness.  She survived, and I have never gone against my instincts since.”

“The last blind date I had was so boring that I pretended to be sick immediately after dinner. I couldn’t even fake it long enough for dessert.  She was pretty, but her conversation made me itch.”

“A very wealthy woman sent me a Rolex watch once as a thank you gift after I escorted her to a black tie affair as a friend. It was meant to obligate me for further encounters, but I refused the watch and moved on.”

The Women…

“If I’m out with a guy who quibbles at all over the price of valet parking, menu costs and theater tickets, I make that the last date.”

“I was out with a guy on a second date, who casually mentioned that he had an ex-girlfriend, who was a “fatal attraction” type, and we had gone to a party. When we were leaving the party, something told me to go to the bathroom first.  My date said he would wait outside.  When I got ready to step out the door later, I saw a woman walk up and shoot him in the head in the middle of a crowd.  Unfortunately, he didn’t survive.”

“I don’t bring a guy around my children unless I’m wearing his engagement ring. I don’t want my kids to become too familiar with someone who may not be around long.”

“I’d been dating this guy a couple of months, when he told me that he was going to New York on business for a week, and he invited me to come up and spend the day with him.  He flew me there, took me to a great restaurant, and took me shopping afterwards and bought me a new dress.”

“I have a habit of smiling at passing strangers, and one day I was walking down the street with my boyfriend, and I smiled at a tall guy who was walking past us. Before I knew what hit me, my boyfriend smacked me across my head so hard that I fell to the ground.  But when I got up, I kicked that fool hard in his groin and left him in tears on the street.  Needless to say, we are no more.”



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