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Overheard

 “I liked him up to the point when he took off his shoes upon entering my home, which he did reluctantly, and had a hole in his sock.  To me, when a man gets dressed to go out with a hole in his sock, it says a lot about his self-esteem.”

            “The classic line I ever heard was when I walked in on my girlfriend snooping through the drawer in my bedroom, and she claimed that she was looking for something to sew for me, like an old sock.  I never trusted her after that.  A woman who could lie so glibly was not the woman for me.”

            “I was out one night at a party when I began to return the stare of a handsome stranger across the room.  When he smiled, I smiled back, and the next thing I knew, a woman flew at me from out of nowhere and screamed at me to stop looking at her man.  I didn’t say a word.  I just stared at her as if she was crazy and put my hand slowly in my pocket.  The act was meant to intimidate her and it worked.  She kept cussing, but she backed off.”

            “I was dating four women when I met her, and within a week, I had dropped all of them to be with her.  After hooking up with her, I no longer needed a variety of female company.  She was all I needed.”

            “At first I was dating her.  Then when we broke up I began dating her girlfriend, whom I eventually married.  On the day of the wedding,  a woman passed me in the lobby of the church just as I was about to go in, and handed me a note that read that the woman I was marrying was actually a transsexual, who had once been a man.   But I quickly learned that my ex was behind the note.”

            “Pretty ain’t got nothing to do with keeping a man.  All it does is get his attention.  What keeps his attention is how good a woman is at saying no to him.”

            “It was our first date.  Her face was beautiful, and her smile was radiant, but her breath was disturbing.  The funny part was when I offered her a mint, after popping one in my mouth, she refused it.  The odor became so offensive that I ended up pretending to have a severe headache, and putting her in a cab.”

            “We met on September 1 and married on September 30th.  We knew on our first date that it was love.  On the second date, we acknowledged it to each other.  On the fourth date, he gave me an engagement ring, and on our sixth date, we picked out where we wanted to live.  Time is too short to be trying to figure things out.  Sometimes you just have to go with what feels right.”

            “My sister hates being without a companion on the holidays.  When this time of year rolls around, she is subject to showing up for the family dinner with an old ex she dug up just to appear involved.  When she has an affair to go to, she will pay for an escort  to accompany her if no one is available.

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