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How To Tell
It’s Over…

by Dani Stone

Candace knew it was over long before Tom said a word.  It was in his eyes when he couldn’t look at her anymore, and in his tone, when her voice was on the other end of the line.  But he couldn’t tell her.  At least…not in words.  He did what all cowards do.  He lied…..avoided her company, and sang the familiar tune of the runaway lover, “I’m just really busy right now.”  When she pressed for time, attention or some of the fire they had once shared, he pretended to be tired, distracted by “problems” or preoccupied with his “latest project.”

After he stood her up three times in one week, she finally loosened the self-tied noose from around her heart and told him it was over.  He shrugged and said he hoped they could remain friends.  Her brother told her later, breaking the brotherhood code, that she had been set up to break up with him.

“You see,” he explained, with an unusual look of sympathy, “when a man is no longer interested, he’ll set the woman up to quit him, so he can be freed up and the onus is on her…especially if he’s met someone else.”  At that moment, she felt as if she were the only woman who had ever experienced rejection, and she spent the next four months feeling ugly, puzzled, and confused.  She vowed never to give her heart away again.

When relationships start out with intensity, expressions of love, affection, and attention to detail, it’s hard to comprehend how these feelings can melt away into nothing…and oddly enough, often from the person who initiated the relationship.

When the thrill is gone, maturity, sensitivity, and courage should dictate that we would explain to that person who is no longer the recipient of our feelings that we can no longer participate in the relationship.  What reasons we give are relative to that particular situation, but nevertheless, the person should be told, and in an honest and compassionate way.  Terminating a relationship in a manner that is considerate to the rejected party can promote growth on the part of both parties.

Lack of communication to the rejected party can result in self-persecution and disillusionment with the opposite sex.  When one is rejected one should not dwell on “what’s wrong with me,” or “what did I do wrong.  In fact, one should attempt to evaluate the relationship objectively, looking at, if needs were met, commonality existed and longevity was realistic in the first place.

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