When Three Is
Not A Crowd
by Dani Stone
My friend Tori has been in an open triangle relationship for over a year, and she claims to be satisfied with the arrangement. In other words, her guy has another girlfriend that she knew about upfront, and she’s cool with it. He divides his time and she accepts it. Her rationale is that she’s not interested in getting married, and this scenario works well for her lifestyle. Tori informed me that more and more single women are opting secretly to be the third wheel in a relationship, but are not necessarily open about discussing it. However, I found three women who were.
These women were quite candid about their relationships. In assessing their conversations and personalities, I found they had quite a bit in common. All three admitted to being quite aware that they were in fact “the other woman.” I found their psyche’s justification to be very interesting. Here are their stories…
- Laura – 33, has been involved with the same guy for twelve years. She dated him before he married another woman. (This is not an uncommon scenario.) She claims that marriage came about because the other woman got pregnant, but she knew he really loved her, and that’s why she hung in there. However, when he divorced his wife, he took up with another woman whom he claims helps him financially, which is acceptable to Laura. She believes that one day he’ll marry her, and she’s holding out for that day. She knows about the other woman, but the woman doesn’t know about her. “I love him,” she says,” and I know he loves me. Love makes you turn a blind eye to the bad stuff. When he’s with me, he makes me feel like I’m the only woman in his life.”
- Terri, 34. If there were a prototype for a “side chick”Terri would be it. She is very pretty and very stylish. She believes that sharing the affections of a man is essential in today’s world. To her, all men are fair game. She has been in an open relationship for the past four years. She prefers the truth to deception, and she feels most women are sharing their men anyway. “When I met my guy, he was honest about his other relationship, and I liked him enough to become involved. I never think about who is his favorite or what he’s doing when he’s not with me. I’m not in love, but I’m in like enough to stay put until I find something better.”
- Cari – 32, is very striking. She has been involved in a triangle relationship for two years, and she feels somewhat trapped by her feelings for the man. “When I found out he was heavily involved with another woman, I was already emotionally involved with him. I was pregnant, and I made the decision that I would hang in there until he made a decision on which one of us he would marry. I don’t like sharing my man with another woman, but I feel like I have no other choice that will make me feel better. I tried breaking it off, but I found myself more miserable without him than I was with him.”
A recent study showed that 35% of the women polled on their expectations of marriage felt that man-sharing was an inevitability that most women can’t avoid. Interestingly, the similarity I found among the women was that they had no real moral code they subscribed to. None were afraid of being infected with any sexually transmitted disease. All three had never been married and were highly educated. But the common thread that tied them together was that they were all afraid of being alone or without a man.
Each woman had a wild story about their encounter with the “third wheel” in their relationship. One woman told of driving her boyfriend’s car and parking it in a shopping mall. When she came out “the other woman” was sitting behind the wheel waiting on her. They spoke candidly about their relationship with the same man, but the woman who had driven the car there ended up taking a cab home.
“I left the car to her because I didn’t want no drama. When I walked away, I vowed to myself that I’d never see him again. But when he called that night and told me that he loved both of us, I signed back on for the ride, though I often fluctuate between misery and ecstasy.”