On The Lookout:
The Mate Chase
by Dani Stone
Six months ago, I read an article on “The Singles Guide To Finding A Mate,” and it listed the following places or activities for all those bold enough to venture out in search of their “better” half.” Since I was determined not to spend my September birthday alone again, I tried them all, and here are the results.
Jogging In The Park – I wore out two pairs of high-priced Nikes trying to be noticed and no man stopped or smiled in my direction. On the jogger’s trail, everyone goes by in a blur. The men out there are serious about getting in shape, so for them, this is not a place to meet and greet. I didn’t have any luck, but I did lose ten pounds in the process.
The Tennis Court – I bought the cutest tennis outfit I could find but forgot to take tennis lessons. I learned quickly that people who play tennis are snobs to well-dressed participants with no skill. I didn’t last out there very long, because I was too cheap to take tennis lessons, (The lessons are unbelievably expensive) and I couldn’t get anyone to play with me. The Neighborhood Softball Game – Here I had a great time. I cheered on strangers as I silently scoped the crowd for a desirable face, but there were none that fit the criteria. However, I did receive enough male attention to fill the “drought” and I learned how to bat a ball to second base.
Attend A “Bring A Friend Party” – I went to several of these. Here is where everyone invited brings someone of the opposite sex, who is only a friend. This would have worked well, but I was usually late in arriving, and it seemed that all of the truly interesting men were already attached to the people who were on time.
Night Classes – I enrolled in an “Auto Awareness” class, so I could kill two birds with one stone – learn more about the inner workings of my car, and snag a honey at the same time. But it didn’t turn out that way. I met a bunch of nice guys, but no one seemed interested in dining at places other than Hattie’s Fish Joint or Ted’s Hot Dog Stand. The man of my dreams has to at least know how to order wine and enjoy the pleasures of eating on a tablecloth.
Walking Your Dog At A Dog Park – For two weeks, I drove my dog to a number of doggie parks. We walked and walked and all we could run into were women with dogs on leashes. Finally, on the last prescribed day, I saw this great-looking guy walking toward me with the most beautiful little dog. As I prepared to break into a smile of greeting and some “dog dialogue,” my dog attacked his dog. You know the rest…the guy got angry and said some things unprintable to my dog and I.
Health Clubs – Men everywhere. However, my type was obviously not into bodybuilding. I did end up with muscles I never had before. Plus, no one offered me anything more than help on how to operate the Stairmaster.
Lunch Outside At Work And Sit Alone – Here I only attracted people giving out flyers…insects, and panhandlers.
Join A Political Group – I didn’t fare well here because I found the hours to be too long for volunteer work, and most of the men I met who could qualify, were too busy trying to catch the tail of someone else’s star.
The Supermarket – Success At Last! This was my last resort and here is where I met with success. I sat down in one of those lovely cafes in my local supermarket to have a sandwich after an exhausting day at work and shopping, and the finest brother this side of the Mason Dixon line, who was sitting at a nearby table, asked me a question about the store’s time for closing. One word led to another, and he ended up moving over to my table. We ended up discussing fine wines and various cheeses. He asked for my number and called later that evening. The following weekend we went out for hotdogs and champagne, and we’ve been dating ever since…I’m meeting his parents next week and we’ve already made plans for a getaway weekend for my birthday next month.