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Inside One Man’s

Dash Into Online Dating

by Don Hayes

Recently, after a night of partying, going from club to club, and not being able to meet one woman who impressed me, I decided to join an online dating service.  This, for me, was the last resort after several dud date experiences where one woman had four children by four different guys and had never been married.

Another behaved like she had been asked out by Drake.  I met her at a party where she was sitting at a table with 10 other women, and I chose her out of the crowd.  I liked her smile.  However, her gratitude became overwhelming as she kept thanking me for choosing her out of  “a crowd of admirers.”

My last date took the word DIVA to new heights. She had only been invited to dinner, but she acted as if she was proposed to.  Over dessert, she read a list of do’s and don’ts that dictated how to succeed in a relationship with her.

Therefore, I decided that maybe I would have better luck with the ease of online dating.  But I was wrong.   My profile read as follows:  I am a 39-year-old doctor and I’m finding it difficult to meet a woman of true substance, humility, grace, and character.  The woman of my dreams is well-read, above average in looks and intelligence, yet talented in something.  She enjoys people and is goal-oriented.  She also doesn’t bore easily.  If you have all of the above, we can work out the rest.  If you’re out there, let me hear from you.”

In a week, I I received 323 responses from women who sent photos, Instagrams, newspaper clippings of them and their accomplishments, video erotic messages (to a guy they’ve never seen) bios, and love poetry.

However, after I got through the maze of responses, I found it to be an interesting experience because the photos of pretty women did not have a response to match their looks, while some of the responses of the less appealing females were intriguing, but not enough to bypass their physical appeal.

So, though I did exchange some significant text dialogue with a few, I was not motivated to meet anyone in person. I concluded after searching for the right one, that I’ll have to wait to bump into her coming out of a bookstore with an armload of books that fall and scatter everywhere.  And as is in the movies, when we both stoop to pick them up, we’ll look into each other’s eyes and realize that Fate has finally acted on our behalf, and we’ll live happily ever after…together.

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