Point Of View
On The Subject Of
Sex, Single & Saved…
Where Do You Stand?
by Cheryl Connor
June 6, 2019
To me, my friend was typical of the average church-goer. I was a new convert to Christianity and had finally made the decision to no longer have sex with my live-in boyfriend because it was against God’s law. My friend had been in the church for the past five years, singing in the choir, tithing and philosophizing on her take of the Bible. But on this day, we were in disagreement. She was adamant in her position that sex between two single adults was divinely sanctioned if they were soulmates, or “in love” as she put it. She said and I quote, “fornication is dealing with casual sex. It is widely viewed as sex with no meaning.”
The interesting thing, was when I began conducting an informal poll among fellow Christians, (who did not attend my church) I was amazed at how many agreed with her. Some called it an old time rule meant for the Christians of that day. Others stated that as long as sex was not committed irresponsibly or promiscuously, it was not against God’s law, if it occurred between a “committed couple.”
A close friend, who’s a youth minister explained that sex among singles is not a subject often discussed in church, because it may be viewed as politically incorrect to address it. According to him, condemnation is no longer in style. Although most single parishioners, who are sexually active, know it’s morally wrong, some ministers may skirt the issue so as not to alienate those church members. I found other Christians who agreed with him.
Astoundingly, as I sought more opinions on the subject, I encountered a prominent minister (with a huge congregation) who stated emphatically that sex between two single people who love each other is permissible if they are monogamous, devoted to one another and discussing marriage. He referred me to the book, The Song of Solomon in the Bible as proof of his assertion. However, I failed to find what he was referring to.
Oddly enough, the cause of the original debate was that my best friend thought I shouldn’t risk ending a two year relationship with someone I really cared about, over a newfound principle, that in her opinion had uncertain merit. However, I was convinced after much study, that sex outside marriage was no longer an option for me. Because I was now a born again Christian, I felt compelled to change my lifestyle.
Unfortunately, my friend apparently had started off on the right foot as it related to the biblical principles when she first joined her church. However, she began to doubt her new position when she discovered a great deal of philosophical opposition, especially on the sex question. In her words, she started to lose ground with guys, who chose to date women who practiced their sexual freedom, and who had a strong argument for pre-marital sex.
I finally won the argument with her, when I reluctantly pointed out that rescinding her original position, because of her confusion on the validity of God’s Word had not brought her gain. She was still alone and going through the same heartache with guys on a regular basis as she had before.
Ironically, when I finally told my boyfriend that our relationship could no longer exist as it had in the past, and that I was moving out because of my new commitment to Christian principles, he said he understood and would honor my position. He also began, a never before discussion on getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. He confessed that, though he was not a Christian, he had always felt that sex without the benefit of marriage was morally wrong. But he didn’t know how to stop, and until now, had not felt compelled to stop. Three months later, he came to church for the first time, joined and got baptized for the first time in his life. We’re getting married next Spring and we have agreed to stay celibate until then.