by Lisa Cregier
Candace knew it was over long before it was. It was in Tom’s eyes, when he couldn’t look at her anymore, and in his tone, when her voice was on the other end of the line. But he couldn’t tell her. At least…not in words. He did what all cowards do. He lied…..avoided her company, and sang the familiar tune of the runaway lover, “I’m just really busy right now.” When she pressed for time, attention, or some of the fire they had once shared, he pretended to be tired, distracted by “problems” or preoccupied with his “latest project.”
After he stood her up twice in one week, she finally loosened the self-tied noose from around her heart and told him it was over. She told him over dinner holding a glass of wine to steady her nerve. He shrugged nonchalantly as if he was being let off the hook. With a fake expression of sadness on his face, he asked if they could remain friends.
She was angry and hurt as she drove away from the restaurant. She expected him to show some resistance to her decision, but there was none. Later, her brother informed her that she had been set up to break up with him.
“You see,” he explained, with an unusual look of sympathy, “when a guy is no longer interested, he’ll set the woman up to quit him, so he can be freed up and the onus is on her…especially if he’s met someone else.” At that moment, she felt rejected and deceived.
She spent the next four months feeling ugly, puzzled and confused…until she met Jacob.
When relationships start out with intensity, expressions of love, affection and attention to detail, it’s hard to comprehend how these feelings can melt away into nothing…and oddly enough, often from the person who initiated the relationship.
When the thrill is gone, maturity, sensitivity, and courage should dictate that we would explain to that person who is no longer the recipient of our feelings that we can no longer participate in the relationship. What reasons we give are relative to that particular situation, but nevertheless, the person should be told, and in an honest and compassionate way. Terminating a relationship in a manner that is considered to the rejected party can promote growth on the part of both parties.
Lack of communication to the rejected party can result in self-persecution, and disillusionment with the opposite sex. When one is rejected one should not dwell on “what’s wrong with me,” or “what did I do wrong. In fact, one should attempt to evaluate the relationship objectively, looking at, if needs were met, commonality existed and longevity was realistic in the first place.