by Sarah Smart
Q. In the last three months, I met two guys in a row and my best friend met three. All five were fine, intelligent, but perplexing. The guys we meet either lie about what they’re doing, scheme to keep you from finding out, or behave like imbeciles at any gesture of affection. I want to know if you have any suggestions we can use to save ourselves from the pain and anguish that we often encounter in an attempt to cultivate a decent relationship with a guy who appeals to us?
A. My suggestions are as follows…Don’t be suckered in by the glitter of looks, brains and fine apparel. Wait to get to know the guy. Take your time before you give away your heart and develop some feelings. The only way you should experience pain and anguish is when you allow someone into your “inner sanctum” and your expectations aren’t met. When you meet a guy, you should be carefree and open to friendship only until sincere mutual actions dictate otherwise. Often the pain and anguish experienced in relationships is brought on by the sufferer, who gets excited too quick…too soon and without good reason.
Q. Four months ago, I had a break-in at my apartment, and I called the police. The burglars took my new television and I was so upset, that one of the policemen brought me one of his TV’s, when he got off duty. He was extremely attractive, and I assumed his act of kindness was also motivated by my appeal. However, when I sent him a note of thanks, he didn’t respond. When I called him two weeks later to return the TV after purchasing a new one, he was very officious sounding and told me to keep it. So I gave up my illusions and moved on. Then last week, he showed up at my door unannounced, gave me his card and asked me to call him sometime before he walked away.. I’m confused. I think he’s strange and that I should avoid him. My best friend thinks he’s shy and I should pursue the invitation. What do you think?
A. I think it’s strange whenever someone shows up at someone’s door unannounced. It is extreme impolite behavior, but I think you should not forget his kindness. He may be shy or weird, but you have nothing to lose. I say, call him. The second call should give you more insight into whether totake another look or scoot.
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