by Sarah Smart
Q. I recently went on vacation with a group of couples who were all friends, and we had a lovely time until the last night there. One of my friends became ill with an upset stomach and went to bed early. Several hours later, at 2:00 in the morning, I got mad at my boyfriend and went down to walk on the beach and ran into one of my friends kissing the boyfriend of the girl who had gotten sick earlier. They didn’t see me, but I want to tell my friend. I don’t wish to hurt her, but I’m in agony over this situation. What would you do? She really likes this guy and trusts him.
A. I would tell her. I wouldn’t want her not to know if her emotions are at risk. I think the question you have to ask yourself is, would she believe you? And is it worth risking the friendship over, because some people can’t take the truth and are unwilling to accept it?
Q. I want to break up with my girlfriend, but I don’t know how without sounding deceitful and low-down. Here’s the problem, when we first started out, both of us expressed a strong commitment to being honest in a relationship, but at this time I know I can’t because to know my true feelings would crush her. I am also not prepared for her insistent questions about why. I have fallen in love with someone else, and I simply can’t tell her the truth. I just want to walk away and leave her to speculate, but my conscience won’t let me. Any suggestions?
A. I say, be a man and tell her the truth. She’ll have to appreciate it and will eventually get over the rejection…we hope. But even so, that’s not your responsibility. Yours is, to be honest, and let her down gently with sensitive language that takes her feelings into account.
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