by Sarah Smart
Q. When my boyfriend proposed to me in a dimly lit restaurant, I was thrilled beyond words. However, when we arrived home and I took a good look at my engagement ring, I was shocked. The “diamond” turned out to be a fake diamond, which he explained was just a symbol of his intention. He claimed that it wasn’t smart to spend all that money on a ring when it could be used as a down payment on a house. Thus, I gave him back his ring and ended the relationship. I knew that with him, money would be a battle between us and I wanted no part of it. He has always been a tightwad, but this was the worst. My family has been very critical of my decision because he’s a good guy. Do you think I was wrong?
A. I don’t have enough information to judge your decision. However, it doesn’t seem that your heart and your feelings for this guy played a major part in your decision. It sounds like you need to consider if you really love him, and if you do, tell him you want a real diamond. Then sit down and have a real discussion about money and his relationship to it, and see where it goes. See if you can reach a compromise between thrifty and cheap.
Q. I went out with a guy who lives in my building. It was spontaneous after a few flirtatious encounters on the elevator, and I had the absolute best time I’ve ever had on a date. We went skating, (I had never been) had dinner in a cozy restaurant, and drinks at a champagne bar. We laughed all night long, and at the end of the evening, he walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight. The strange thing is that I never heard from him again, and that was five months ago. Since that time, whenever I run into him, he acts like he doesn’t see me. I’m perplexed by the whole thing, and I want to confront him about it. I just need to know what I did that turned him off. What would you do?
A. What good would it do to confront him? There’s absolutely no guarantee you’ll get the truth. I would let it go. Who cares what happened. Obviously, it wasn’t a match. Get over it! Count it as one of the mysteries of life and tell your ego to cool out.
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