The Singles Scene
by Sarah Smart
Q. My former college buddies throw a party (twice a year) which we call, “The Prettiest Girl Contest” where the guy who brings the most attractive date wins a grand prize of $500.00. The women are totally unaware of the theme of the party or the prize. Some guys bring current girlfriends, while most just bring the prettiest girl they can find. Though I’m very much involved in a relationship, I made the mistake at the last party of asking a real pretty girl from my office to come as my date and I knew she was interested in me. Though she’s gorgeous, (and I did win the contest) she is not my type at all.
My problem is that I explained my invitation was purely platonic and it was just a party I thought she’d enjoy. I also stated that I’m already involved with someone else. However, she still leaves sexy messages on my voice mail as if she didn’t hear a word I said. I’ve been avoiding her because I can’t return her interest. Do you think I did wrong to invite her to the party without telling her the real reason?
A. I think you should tell her the truth and split your winnings with her. You should have done that anyway.
Q. Every time I meet a new man, I inevitably become over-excited. It’s like I’m so grateful for another chance to be loved, that maybe I try too hard to please. I am tired of going in and out of relationships, so I try to make this “one” the one. But I always fail, though I try to be all that I think he wants. My best friend, on the other hand, is totally preoccupied with herself. She views men as temporary playmates. She’s selfish, attractive, and incredibly hostile, and the men are all over her. She stops answering her phone when she doesn’t get her way. If her date is late, she cancels the date and she wanders away constantly whenever she’s out with a guy. She’s constantly sought after and I’m not. What am I doing wrong?
A. You already know. One thing your friend seems to be doing that it appears you could learn from is to be yourself. It seems you’re into pleasing, and she’s not. You should come first, then the relationship. Obviously, you’re trying too hard and this attitude can definitely take away from your appeal. You should never try to be all that a guy wants because you can’t. Your friend is probably very popular because men love a challenge, and she sounds like a serious one.
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