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The No. I Beauty Secret

by Gloria Gibson

“The woman who is convinced of her appeal, and views herself as special, can call her own shots in any relationship.”   -John Stye

I have two friends.  One is very pretty and one is not.  The one who is very pretty does not know the secret.  The one who is not so pretty…does.  We’ll call them Jane and Jeanie for purposes of illustration.   Jane is the pretty one.  My brother refers to her as “fine!”  When she enters a room, the men immediately gravitate in her direction.  Behind her back, women silently envy her looks, which are by most standards…very striking. 

However, Jane only sees herself as somewhat attractive and projects herself like a woman in need of approval and acceptance at all times.  Her self-esteem around men would qualify as a zero on a scale of one to ten.  In the years I’ve known her, I’ve never known her to be involved in a relationship where she was treated with the respect her friends feel her beauty merits.

I first met Jane in the ladies’ room at a New Year’s Eve bash some years ago.  We were both standing in the mirror re-applying our lipstick, when she complimented me on my hair.  Ironically, I had just finished silently admiring hers, which by the way was approximately five inches above her waist.  However, when I returned the compliment, she waved me away as if she didn’t agree, and began to complain about her date had suddenly disappeared.  When I asked if she thought he had left her stranded, she expressed sadly that he was probably in some obscure corner of the ballroom cavorting with another woman.  When I asked if she believed such, why didn’t she just leave him, she explained that such an action would incur his wrath, and she didn’t want to make him angry.

Unfortunately, women like Jane are not a minority.  There are thousands of women out there who lack self-confidence and fail daily to understand the magnetism of the women who have it.

 Now take my friend Jeanie.  By most standards, Jeanie would be initially seen as average by those who view her from afar.  However, she is never without attention and affection from her many admirers, while her pretty counterparts sit alone and bewildered by her popularity.  Men find her confidence irresistible and clamor to be in her presence.  Her secret?  She believes she is beautiful, smart, and worthy to be cherished, which is extraordinarily evident in her attitude and her spirit.  Self-confidence, which manifests itself through high self-esteem is the most important beauty asset a woman could have, but not enough women have it.  For centuries, men have always been intrigued by self-assured women who were totally in tune with their power as a woman.  Imagine the allure of a woman who is attractive and self-assured.  The crowd parts when she walks through.

 I remember Jeanie relating an incident once, where she was out on a first date with a guy who appeared mildly interested throughout dinner.  He kept answering his cell phone and whispering into it.  Jeanie was offended, but she kept her cool.  At the end of the evening, when he took her home, she shook his hand, and asked if he would mind if she introduced him to a friend, because the chemistry was just not there for her.  Even though he had ignored her all evening, Jeanie was determined to make him feel rejected.  And it worked.

 The guy was so stunned by her straightforwardness that he became indignant, and after that pestered her for months to go out with him again.  Of course, if Jeanie had been in the same scenario as Jane at the New Year’s Eve party, and had the same suspicion, she would have left the party and never spoke to the guy again.

Unfortunately, too few women understand that the real basis for beauty on a woman has little to do with pretty hair and a pretty face.  It has more to do with her being solidly convinced that she is unique, special and deserving of the best, which is best manifested by the way she carries herself, and what she’s willing to accept.

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