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Dating Data

What To Do

While You Wait…

by Evette Monclay

It was the end of a long difficult day.  I had just walked in the door, kicked off my 3-inch heels, and headed for the refrigerator for a cold drink when the phone rang.   It was my friend, Cathy, complaining as usual about the lack of male companionship on a weekend night.  Like many of my girlfriends, who were single, Cathy felt more complete when a guy was dialing her number at least on a semi-regular basis, and the possibility of a date hung in the balance.  

In the past several months, I watched her get excited over two different guys, who showed up with “attractive credentials,” but both turned out to be severe disappointments.  In Cathy’s journey to not “end up alone,” it seemed she met few guys who qualified to get her numbers, and she was always at the end of yet, another broken affair.

However, I, on the other hand, was just the opposite.  I was comfortable in my current state of having no significant other because I was submitted to what I call divine happenstance.  I had come to the conclusion based on past “romantic” encounters that I had no idea what was best for me, so I changed my focus and my attitude about being without companionship.

  I decided I wanted real companionship, meaning someone who was as into me as I would be into him.  Therefore, I was prepared to wait for the perfect guy and exist in a joyous state with or without him.   I set out to enjoy my life gregariously in acceptance of my current status as a single.

.Frankly, I enjoy coming home to an empty apartment to unwind alone in any way I see fit.  I like living alone because like millions of other single people, my time is my own and I can do with it what I please.  Sometimes that freedom makes me very happy.  I feel lucky to be so in control of my life.  But I must admit, there are occasions when I feel lonely because, just like almost everyone else, I desire a real partner, but it’s not my entire focus like many of my friends.

For many singles, living alone is not their preferred state, and this attitude is sometimes shaped by the society we live in, which encourages and promotes couples.    Too many who are single, and this is especially true among women, stand on the outside looking in on couples with either envy or a tweak of sadness, at what they see as an idyllic life. 

It seems women spend their lives waiting for “Mr. Right,” to show up and make things better, while men seem more fixated on enjoying life’s journey as long sex is on the route.

There are men and women, who often live in limbo because they haven’t accepted the possibility that “Mr. Right,” may not ever come along and that “Ms. Right” might go the other way when she finds out that she’ll be expected to do the shopping, the dishes, and the laundry.

I have a friend who moans constantly about the shortage of “eligible interests,” and views her life as mediocre because she has no interests outside of being involved with a guy.  To her, life has no meaning without someone to share them with.  Therefore, she is mostly bored, as she settles into a self-imposed rut.  She does little socially because she “doesn’t enjoy the company of other women.”

When I look on my life, I am forced to see its richness.  I’ve never been married, and at this point, I don’t know if I want to be.  I’m leaning more toward a great companion, than a husband.  Mainly,  because I know few couples who are happily married.  Though I am without male companionship, I am no less a person. 

What I’ve learned is that life is to be lived to the fullest – whether you are with someone or not.  Once you know how to live comfortably with yourself, you can be happy with the person you are and won’t feel as if something is missing when you find yourself alone.

I’ve also learned that it’s important to create an environment that really feels like home.  As a single person, I don’t relate to empty refrigerators, bare walls, and make-do furniture.  My home is my nest where I come to refresh and renew.  After all, I live there. 

My apartment is a showcase for me.  I love walking in the door and feeling instantly relaxed in a place that is mine and mine alone.  Nobody is going to complain if dinner isn’t ready, or if I didn’t wash the dishes.  I also have a life filled with activities I enjoy and people I treasure.

When I feel the need for instant companionship, I can always curl up with my dog, who loves me unconditionally.

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