Viewpoint – When He’s Not Your Type…

Viewpoint

When He’s

Not Your Type

by Theo McNee

My friend Larry was angry because he called the number of a woman he’d met at the club the night before and the number turned out to be fake.  Most guys I know don’t do well with rejection, but Larry handles it badly.  “Why didn’t she just say, she wasn’t interested,” he yelled into the phone.   I attempted to explain to him that most men and women have a hard time expressing their lack of interest in the opposite sex when they cannot return the sentiment.

Instead of being frank, or diplomatic (this word only applies when one is pressed for “the proper response”) most of us stutter, stammer, or lie.  Example:  A guy approaches a woman whom he finds attractive, and after making his interest extensively known, makes the common request for a way to have a future dialogue.  He asks for the phone number. As in the case above, she is not at all interested.  Therefore, she doesn’t want to give him the number.  But does she say just that?  No…she doesn’t.  Instead, she either gives him the real number, with a plan in hand to check the caller ID, or she gives him the wrong number.  Why?  Because she doesn’t know how to say, “I’m not interested,” in a way that would be classy

No one handles rejection well,   but guys handle it worse.

If it’s a wrong number, she has succeeded in responding to his interest or admiration with an insult…or if she gives him the right number, she’ll hope and pray he doesn’t call, and if he does, he will ultimately receive rejection through innuendo, such as, “I’m sorry, she’s not here,” in a falsetto voice often recognized by the caller, or…”I’m busy right now.  But I’ll call you back!”

Studies show that there are huge numbers of women who give up their numbers regularly to guys whom they wish hadn’t asked.  Again, this is mostly done by those who lack the social skills needed to effectively communicate with the opposite sex.  Unfortunately, this inability to properly express one’s self often results in causing various forms of unnecessary discomfort to the person pursuing the relationship.

Inadvertently, when the truth is not told creatively, false hope is created which will be destroyed eventually as the pursuer presses on.  I believe few women realize that a guy’s ego is slapped tremendously when he is faced with unkind rejection.  No one handles rejection well, but guys handle it worse.

Those who are subjected to the “false hope scenario,” usually experience a variety of feelings, some of which include humiliation and embarrassment.  However, the development of proper skills can solve this problem if one is sincerely interested in treating others the way he/she wants to be treated.