Your Status Check: Are You Dating Or Dangling?

Status Check:

Are You Dating

Or Dangling?

by Darcy Brooks

Dating or Dangling? There is a serious difference and no one knows better than me. I was dangling and holding on for dear life in a relationship I’ll never forget, but I couldn’t let go. I recall the times I would call Bill at work, despite his warnings not to do so.  He was a cop, and yes, I knew he might just possibly be in the middle of something, but hey, I was SPRUNG and not from knowing who he was as a person. 

I was sprung on dumb stuff like his good looks and his voice…the way he looked in his uniform, his physique, etc.  I don’t remember when the time finally came when I knew better than to call him.  He placed some kind of invisible, unspoken boundary on when or how I could and did reach him.  I’d call him at any and all hours of the day and night trying to catch up with him to experience his essence.

Looking back, what I did was a lot like stalking.  The only difference was every now and then, he’d let me catch him.  But I only saw him when he wanted to be seen. However, I was always available when he called.  I just anxiously waited for my time with him and understood well my lack of importance.

It was so funny when several years later I ran into him and he made a reference to “when we dated.”  He looked surprised when I told him we NEVER dated.  I never required dating. I accepted dangling instead.   The funny thing is, I came to know him better after we stopped seeing each other than I did when I was seeing him.  Unfortunately, I was looking for love in all the wrong faces.  I looked everywhere but in my own mirror.

If you remember, when a cartoon character is hit by “the love bug” they usually depict the character going completely crazy.  The eyes pop out, and all normal senses are jumping off the Richter.  I guess what this says is that love can make you lose your mind and any good sense you have can go out the window.  These responses are actually warning signals for us.  If you feel like you’ve lost your mind, you probably have.

If you are doing crazy things to be with a person, you probably know better.  Feeling like you are “in love” has a way of justifying even the dumbest acts.  When you are feeling this way, it can be hard to do what makes sense.  The first step to really giving and getting the kind of love that’s real is loving yourself. 

Time after time, you will go through the worst of encounters until you really learn how to be better to yourself.  There is no way someone can mistreat you or take advantage of you if you don’t allow it.  You have to set certain standards for yourself.  There is no need to try and get someone to like you.  People are genuinely attracted to those who like themselves.  If you love yourself, you will be loved by others.  If you haven’t learned this yet, you will continue to do foolish things trying to be loved.  I discovered this fact the hard way, but it’s a lesson I learned well and will never repeat.