by Jay Wright
It was a Friday evening and as usual a few friends and I were out for drinks at our favorite hangout. There was Larry, the stock broker, Johnny, “the real estate tycoon,” William, the school teacher, and myself, the writer. Out of the four of us, William was the only one who attracts women without trying. He is the playa of the group.
That night, the topic was on why certain women aren’t chosen. I had just met a beautiful woman whom I needed some insight on because I just wasn’t certain about whether or not I wanted to date her. So I asked each of them to answer the question, what makes you not choose a woman? Quite naturally, Johnny was the first to speak. “I don’t choose women who immediately strike me as “wedding planners.” We all laughed. Johnny always placed women in categories.
“A wedding planner” is the type of woman who is usually overly aggressive. She usually asks about the second date before the first date is over. All her friends know what you drive, where you live and what you do for a living and the two of you just met. After only a week of going out, she has a pet name for you. With question after question, she is measuring you up to see how she can get closer to you and your success. She is usually sizing you up for a tuxedo within the second week of introduction.”
Johnny continued. “A wedding planner never gives a guy a chance to be romantic on his own, because she immediately takes control of the relationship. That’s like not letting a lion chase his food. The lion enjoys the pursuit just as much as the eating.”
By this time, Larry was on the edge of his seat. It was evident that he had a strong opinion and could not wait to be heard. “I never choose “the card player.” Larry explained that he always bumps into women who think relationships are a contest to see who will dominate. “These women treat the relationship like a card game always trying to match what you throw out. If you tell them, you have a Masters Degree, they’ll tell you of their PHD. If you talk about your BMW, she’ll tell you about her new Mercedes. No man wants to keep company with a woman who instantly responds to his success stories with a great achievement of her own or who is obviously in competition with him.”
William usually speaks last in our group because he does the most dating. He is extremely handsome and the only member of the group who usually has a group of female admirers everywhere we go. He stated that for him the dating scene was still a form of entertainment. He claims he does not choose women who are overly passive or as he calls them, “Yes Ladies.”
“A woman who is submissive usually lacks spirit or confidence and does not bring out the character in the man she’s with. She takes the challenge and pursuit out of the relationship. When a woman tells a guy yes all the time, she limits his growth. She does not help him to understand compromise or sacrifice.” William was right; it’s not smart to choose someone who never challenges you.
By this time, the guys wanted to know what type of woman I didn’t choose. Without hesitation, I explained that I don’t want someone who is always looking for me. I like to call them “Search Parties.” With this type of woman, her favorite phrases include, “where are you…who are you with…and when can I see you again?” When someone is always looking for you, it is a sign of an insecurity which leads to distrust. I find that most women fail to understand that a guy is going to continue to do whatever it is he was doing before he met her. Personally, I need my space. If a woman can’t function without you being in front of her all day, something is wrong. There is no room for personal time once you get involved with her. “Search Parties” usually become unattractive because of their dependency and paranoia.
Here are some other types of women we all agreed on, who seldom get chosen for a serious relationship.
“Ms. I Know You Want Me.” Her security is usually based on something materialistic or a body part she is overly confident about. She consistently wears tight clothes to show off her figure. She surrounds herself with insecure friends and “admirers” and uses them as her claim to fame. This type usually gets chosen for fun only, but she is soon replaced when the fun is over.
“The Mother Type.” She does not ask, she tells a man what time to be home. The Mother Type answers his cell phone, checks his mail, goes through his pockets randomly, corrects his manners and finishes all of his sentences in front of others. She talks to her man as if he’s in grade school.
“The Guzzler” or the overly social drinker is not a favorite for guys. She usually knows how every drink at the bar tastes. No good time is complete without at least five drinks with her. The Guzzler thinks expensive drinks and pretty wine glasses keep her from looking as if she’s being excessive.
“The Speed Demon” – A guy can temporarily appreciate a “Speed Demon” because they do like to enjoy themselves with as much minimum effort as possible. Speed Demons make the mistake of giving a man what he wants too prematurely. She does not understand that giving a man sex on the first night or having a one night stand usually leaves room for a recreational relationship. How you get a man is how you maintain his attention. Sex compliments a relationship, but it doesn’t build one. “Speed Demons” usually get used.
“The Religious One” – She is more worried about impressing her Sunday circle of friends. It seems that the only time she speaks to God is after she gets a man. She’s at service all day on Sunday, but is the first at the club on Monday night. Men see through the “religious” games and wait patiently for their turn to lay hands on her. Spiritual wellness takes a backseat to tradition because all she’s worried about is who sees her in church. Gradually, she becomes more affiliated wit a secular lifestyle. “The Religious One” usually gets used because she’s not true to herself. Most men see this type as a phony.
Sometimes “The Good Woman” barely gets chosen, because of intimidation. Most guys bring the wrong tools to work when they’re seeking a serious relationship. They come to play at the most serious of times. When a classy woman or a potential wife confronts a man, we are usually caught by surprise. A well spoken, independent, educated and gorgeous woman recognizes fraud. Rather than risk the chance of looking foolish in the midst of playing prehistoric games, all communication is often avoided. The very thing men chase is what they sometimes run from. It’s not their fault, but every now and then, a good woman will not get chosen and it’s usually for an inexplicable reason.