At The Club…
Out With An Attitude
by Jovan Tahale
February 18, 2019
When I was asked to do this article, I immediately thought of all my girlfriends, and how they behave to a guy’s approach in a social setting, and I was embarrassed after the fact. I have one friend who I go out with all the time and after a thoughtful analysis of our conduct, I came to the conclusion that neither one of us could qualify to enter a Ms. Manners contest.
Admittedly, we’ve have behaved shamelessly at one time or another when a guy did not measure up, approached and attempted to engage us for any reason. In a party setting, we would wait patiently for our “kind” to approach, and if the wrong guy came and asked us to dance, we would wave him away without a smile or nod a No slowly, as if he should know better than to bother someone of our caliber with such a ridiculous request.
However, my friend’s demeanor was worse than mine. When a guy flirted or tried to make her acquaintance, she would look him up and down as if he had a serious problem and turn away abruptly without answering. She had a rule…she didn’t wish to waste time on what she called, “time soppers.” These were men who took up your time, while you could have been available for something better.
We were snobs in the highest sense of the word, and we didn’t care about the impression we gave. We were discriminating and proud of it. We didn’t look twice at men in cheap suits, frayed collars and abused shoes. On more than one occasion, if one who did not qualify wandered into my space, I’d become almost rude if he failed to recognize my disinterest. I have shamelessly refused an invitation to dance with one guy and before he was out of earshot, accept a similar offer from a better-looking requester.
Nonetheless, when I went out to a big party for some firsthand reporting material, I witnessed some activity that made my friend and I look like top graduates from Miss Charm’s Finishing School. I watched as guys approached women to dance or converse, who ended up being brushed aside before they could get their lines out.
As I sat and made notes of my observations, it was interesting to watch how the women, who were snooty and selective, got more attention than the women who were not. I watched two very attractive women sit at a table for over an hour watching the dance floor and refusing to dance. It was obvious they wanted to dance, but they were looking for more than a dancing partner. From past experience, it was clear they did not want to waste a dance or dialogue on someone who didn’t have other potential as it related to their agenda.
They were turning guys away left and right with mute rejections, and a polite smile. Their gestures said, “Sorry, you’re not good enough”. And I understood their behavior because my friends and I had done the same too often, when we were out hoping to hook up with Mr. Right, and had no time for Mr. Wrong.
We would assess the guy and our response would be based on that assessment. The assessment criteria was comprised of several components:
- How he looked.
- What he was wearing.
- His speech…his voice…
- Was he smooth or confident, clumsy or awkward?
- His approach – what he said or what he did.
I listed approach last, because there were times when a cute one could look at me from across a room and nod in the direction of the dance floor and I’d jump up to meet him there without knowing if he spoke English. All of this was due to the exhibition of his confidence level. For there is nothing more irresistible than a man who is certain he can pull.
However, after talking to several guys on this subject, I found that for some, rejection can be emasculating and for most, very ego bruising.
I must admit, I never thought of myself as impolite or not exhibiting good manners in my search for love. But I understand better now. Unfortunately, as I sat surveying the party, and noting the error of my ways, I never got the opportunity to put my new attitude into practice. The party ended before anyone asked me to dance.