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Dating And The
Money Issue
Who Should Spend What?

by Jake Kyles

For the last two months, I had been going out with a woman who chose me on a day when I felt like being chosen.     I was sitting in a club nursing a drink after a heated breakup with a girlfriend, when this statuesque woman with long flowing hair, came over and asked me to dance with her.  She claimed it was to win a bet with her friends.  But I didn’t believe her because women hit me on all the time, and the gleam of interest in their eyes is always the same.  However, I thought her approach was novel and it came at a moment when I needed a distraction.

After the dance, she offered to buy me a drink in appreciation for helping her win the bet and went back to her seat.  By this time, I was impressed and intrigued, because it would have been in keeping with what I was used to if she had sat next to me without an invitation.  Therefore, with my curiosity aroused, I moved in hot pursuit and ended up taking her home.  Two nights later, we met for dinner and she insisted on picking up the tab.  She invited me, so again I was impressed.  Three nights later, she invited me over for a seven-course meal and I dined sumptuously.

The following week I invited her out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant and picked up the tab.  Shortly thereafter, I took her to a concert and ended the evening with an expensive after-theatre meal.  The dates became three or four times a week, with money being spent pretty fairly on both our parts.  I was becoming somewhat delighted at finding a woman who seemed to be into bringing her wealth to the table in an effort to pull her social weight.

Then suddenly it ended.  She had a birthday and I sent her a dozen long-stemmed roses and she called me a “cheapskate.”  She told me that she thought that I would have bought her a more expensive gift like a piece of jewelry or a pair of Ferragamo shoes since I knew she loved shoes.  She argued that because she was such a “free spirit” when it came to sharing the cost of dating, I should have gone all out on her birthday to show my appreciation.

She slammed the phone down when I told her I thought it was a little too soon for such gifts and I found her attitude to be a little demanding for someone I had just met.

However, the real shocker came when I took an informal poll at my office among my co-workers on what happened, and the results were split evenly.  All of the women agreed with her and all the guys agreed with me.  The female position was that the expense of dating is mainly the financial responsibility of the guy, and since she was so generous, the roses alone were an insult.  The guys agreed that my actions were appropriate, that dating should be a shared expense and she was just too demanding.  What do you think?

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