by M.K. Allison
June 28, 2018
When a cousin’s boyfriend ended their two year relationship, he sent her a dozen of yellow roses (for friendship) with a card, which basically stated that since he was not ready to be in a long term relationship, he thought it best that he allow her the freedom, to without guilt, pursue a relationship that was more suited for a woman of her quality. When she finished reading that card, she didn’t know how to respond…but she didn’t get angry, and she didn’t feel rejected. In fact, though she was deeply disappointed, she appreciated the way he ended their relationship. I was impressed. I thought he was a class act.
However, across this country and the rest of the world, there are men and women being dumped, without the faintest clue as to why their feelings weren’t honored, and no one sees their tears. The numbers are high where some have been sitting contentedly in relationships, which suddenly ended without an explanation that made sense to their egos. Brides have been left at altars and City Halls, (one friend stood outside City Hall for five hours waiting on her groom-to-be, who never showed up) while hopeful fiancés have had their rings slipped back to them and not told why.
My boyfriend of four years just suddenly stopped calling, answering his phone and showing up. When I finally cornered him at work, after three weeks of missing in action, he told me he had been depressed about family matters and he just needed some time to be alone. Two weeks later, he married another woman in another state. Two months later, his brother told me that he felt he had outgrown me and didn’t know how to tell me.
I don’t think most of us realize what a person goes through when the relationship ends before we want it, and some of us just want to know why. Our egos are sent topsy-turvy as we come to the bitter truth that someone we want doesn’t want us anymore. We wonder if it’s because they have found someone who has what we don’t, or did they just got bored? Most of us just want to know how we blew it, without having our feelings smashed even more.
I was once chased by a guy relentlessly and when I turned around to finally give into his persistence, he was gone. I am convinced to this day that I somehow turned him off, and I’m dying to know how. The problem is, it still bothers me. What made his smiles of adoration go away? Was it something I did or said?
Whatever the reason, the why still plagues me whenever I run into him, and I know I’m not alone in this feeling. I find that few people feel good when a relationship ends and they don’t understand why. But the truth is that sometimes the why is inexplicable. There aren’t always words for it. A person is either “you” or they’re not. The bottom line is that it doesn’t feel good or it doesn’t feel right, but it doesn’t mean that the rejected party is inadequate. It just means that it wasn’t a fit.
I have come to the realization that rejection is not necessarily personal or an indictment against my desirability. It doesn’t mean that I don’t qualify. It simply means that I didn’t qualify for something that was not meant to be in the first place. I now understand well that I will be more than qualified for the man who is mine by divine right, and I wait patiently for his arrival, with no fear of experiencing rejection, because the real match will be made in Heaven.