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God, Sex

And The Single Life

The Debate

by M.K. Allison

January 2, 2018


I was exhausted.  My friend and I had been debating the same issue over and over again and I was worn out.  I was a new convert to Christianity and had made the decision to no longer have sex with my boyfriend of two years.  She had been in the church for the past five years, singing, tithing and philosophizing on her take of the Bible.  But on this night, she was adamant in her position that sex between two single adults was divinely sanctioned if they were soul-mates or in love as she put it.

The interesting thing, was when I began conducting an informal poll among fellow Christians, (who of course did not attend my church) I was amazed at how many agreed with her position.  Some called it an old time edict meant for the Christians of that day.  Others stated that as long as sex was not committed irresponsibly or promiscuously, it was not against the law.

A close friend who is a deacon in his church explained that sex among singles is not a subject often discussed in church, because it may be viewed as politically incorrect to address it.  According to him, condemnation is no longer in style.  Although most single parishioners, who are sexually active, know it’s morally wrong, some ministers may skirt the issue so as not to alienate those church members.  I found other Christians who agreed with him.

Astoundingly, as I sought more opinions on the subject, I encountered a prominent minister (with a huge congregation) who stated emphatically in the tone of a scholar, that sex between two single people who loved one another was permissible if they were monogamous and devoted to one another.  He referred me to the Song of Solomon in the Bible as proof of his assertion.  But I was unable to see what he saw and he asked me not to use his name in this article.

Oddly enough, the cause of the original debate was that my friend Angie* thought I shouldn’t risk ending a two year relationship with someone I really cared about over a newfound principle, that in her opinion had uncertain merit.  However, because I was certain that sex without marriage was no longer an option for me, because it was against God’s law, I felt compelled to change my lifestyle.

Angie had been a Christian for a long time, and apparently had started off on the right foot as it related to the moral principles.  However, apparently, she began to doubt the new position when she discovered a great deal of philosophical opposition, especially on the sex question.  In her words, she started to lose ground with men, who chose to date women who were sexually free.

I finally won the argument with her, when I reluctantly pointed out that rescinding her original position, because of her confusion on the validity of the Law, had not brought her gain, because she was still alone and going through heartache with men on a regular basis.

Ironically, when I finally told my boyfriend that our relationship could no longer exist as it had in the past, because of my new commitment to Christian principles, he said he understood and would honor my position.  He also began, a never before discussion on us getting married and spending the rest of our lives together.  He explained that, though he was not a Christian, he had known all along that sex without the benefit of marriage was morally wrong because of his upbringing.  But he didn’t know how to stop, didn’t want to stop and until now, had not felt compelled to stop.   What do you say?

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