7 Steps To Ditch
“The Friend Zone”
When You Want More
by Abigail Dye
The friend zone is that dreadful place full of awkward hugs and swerved kisses. Being cast into the friend zone happens so fast that you may not realize it happening initially, but once your crush calls you “such a good friend” and slugs your shoulder… it’s pretty clear. A common misconception is that once you’re in the friend zone, you’ll always be in the friend zone. This isn’t true and there is hope – follow these seven steps to escape the friend zone if you find yourself there.
Before we get started, make sure you want to escape the friend zone. This may sound silly but really evaluate this situation. Think about what your friendship will be like if things go wrong, and think about what a relationship would be like if things go right. Most importantly, you need to ask yourself if taking it to the next level with this person is worth losing them. Not because they’ll run away at the idea of dating you, but because if you do date – the possibility of a rough breakup is always present.
1. Take a look in the mirror.
Try to see yourself from your crush’s perspective. There is a reason they friend-zoned you. It could be a lack of sexual attraction, a lack of commitment or a combination of both. They could be turned off by your verbal language, body language, attitude, or even the company you keep.
2. Make a change.
This does NOT mean change yourself. If you fake a persona, it won’t be you crawling out of the friend zone – it will be your alter ego. Change your crush’s perspective by carrying yourself in a new light. Help them see sides of you they never knew existed, bring up new subjects in conversation, be outgoing in social settings and be confident in everything you say and do.
3. Don’t try too hard.
Making little changes in your attitude is important, but don’t overdo it. As mentioned earlier, if you change your persona you are sure to fail. Don’t mold yourself into the person you think they want to be with. Rather, mold your outlook on the situation and act accordingly. Your crush is sure to pick up on the extra effort, so don’t overthink it.
4. Better yourself – for you.
If you pull your focus away from your crush and fill your time with productive activities, they are sure to notice. Join a sports team and get fit, pick up a new hobby to crush, or travel to new places. Your absence will catch their attention while making you a better person. If it doesn’t work out, at least you learned a new skill or gained a new experience.
5. Don’t be their boyfriend/girlfriend… yet.
This may be the long-term goal, but for the short term, you have to simply be a friend. If you allow your crush to constantly cry on your shoulder, vent about their own crushes, or take a bad day out on you, you’re giving them all the benefits of a relationship without the strings. Set boundaries and save the cute, extra stuff for the real thing.
6. Make a move.
You don’t have to run after them and kiss in the rain… this rarely works off the big screen. When the time is right, simply express your feelings in a mature way to your crush. Tell them you’re attracted to them and want to move things forward. If they feel the same way, this is the time to go in for the kiss.
7. Don’t be afraid of rejection.
It might happen. They may say they don’t feel the same way, and you’ll find yourself in one of the most uncomfortable moments of your life. But, it will pass. The friendship may be a little awkward for a day or two, but that too will pass – it’s not the end of the world. Even if you do get rejected, at least you don’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.