Women Who Share Their Man Tell Why…

Women Who

Share Their

Man Tell Why…

by Coco Diong

Sometimes I wonder if monogamy is still the pinnacle of a relationship.  According to surveys, yes, but it seems that more women are growing more frustrated than ever in their search for a man of their own and many are opting to compete for the affection of those who are already connected to someone else.  I talked to several women who are and have been involved more than once with men who are very open and candid about their relationships with other women. All were educated, career-minded, in some cases regretful, and never married.

Ann- 34 …has been sharing a man for over ten years.  They were dating and “in love” in college when he got another girl pregnant and married her.  Though she was devastated, she never stopped seeing him.   “When I look back on how I wasted so many years loving a man who rejected me for someone else, it’s actually difficult to believe and to admit that I did.  I just found it hard to let go and to come to grips with the reality that he had chosen someone else.  For all these years I rationalized that he had to love me to still want me, but deep down I know better.”

Marilyn – 33 …dating record includes two triangle relationships.  She is currently seeing a guy who dates other women openly. “My situation is typical.  It’s the scenario of a lot of women when they reach a point in their lives where they are vulnerable due to loneliness.  Every time I met a man who was attached to someone else, I didn’t learn about it until I was very much involved with him, and then I lacked the courage to let go.   Because I don’t want to be alone again, I accept whatever I could get.”

Marina -30 …has been with a guy for over 4 years who has a live-in girlfriend.  “Some of the most beautiful experiences, both simple and elaborate, and most of the pain, anxiety, feelings of abandonment, and being violated, all came from being in love with a man I share with another woman..  I knew from the beginning it was dumb, but I ‘m hopelessly in love.”

Maggie:  27…  not interested in commitment or marriage. “I appreciate guys who are honest enough to say they’re seeing other people, and willing to give a woman the option to become involved, based on the truth upfront.  I think a woman needs to assess her needs and wants and then make a decision regarding multiple relationships based on her conclusion.  Right now, monogamy or a committed relationship is not important to me.  I just want a guy who may be available when I’m available.  What he does when I’m not around is irrelevant.  I adopted this stance because based on my experiences there are not enough quality choices to go around.  Therefore, sharing men seems to be a reasonable alternative.”

Karyn-31 … in a triangle relationship for 3 years.  “I never intended to share a man with another woman, but I fell in love, and I’ve accepted my role as the other woman because it’s a better option than being alone.  In my case, this guy lives with the woman, and it’s almost like he’s married.  Though I’m constantly battling my feelings of jealousy, I survive emotionally because when he shows up, he treats me very special, and I’m convinced he loves both of us.”

Sherry- 37…believes man-sharing is a reality for the women of today.  “I have come to the conclusion that it is very difficult to encounter a man who fits my criteria who is not already involved with someone else.  I call it healthy competition and I have a new attitude about monogamy.  However, I’m not in love.  I’m dating him knowing he’s involved with someone else and keeping my own options open.  Women who fall in love with men involved in other relationships are usually deceived.  We are driven by this fierce hope that one day we’ll be chosen over the other.  A hope consistently fueled by his skilled ability to ignite the relationship when he senses our dying embers of hope.  When they’re married, they set up “appointments” with their lawyers; or allegedly have that “talk” with their wives.”

Cindy: 26 …was with a married man for 6 years, before she finally left him.  “All the characteristics I ever hoped for were all compressed in this one man.  I was vulnerable and weak because of a fear of never finding companionship.  Though some of my happiest moments in life were spent with him, my guilt never left me.  Though it seems stupid, I often prayed for guidance and forgiveness; but in my heart, I knew I wasn’t ready to give him up.  The thing that spurred me on in the face of despair was his constant affection and attention.  Knowing that things weren’t going right at his home gave me the clinging hope that I would one day be his partner and wife.  Of course, it never happened.  Not even after he eventually separated from his wife.  After a while, I just got tired of waiting and left him.”