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Smart Women

Senseless Choices

by Jan Pitts

April 16, 2018

Last year, a former college classmate, who is a very successful businesswoman, asked my advice about marrying a guy, fifteen years younger, who showed up drunk at their engagement party, and earns $24,000 a year as a store clerk.   Needless to say, she didn’t take my advice, which was to dump him.  Six months later, it was over, when he moved out of her luxury apartment and took her furniture with him while she was at work. However, her story is not unique. The following are some poignant examples of how far some women will go to be joined emotionally to the opposite sex…and I’m talking smart, accomplished women who are attractive, yet lonely.  The names have been changed (naturally) and these are all true stories.

Carla, a corporate executive for a Fortune 500 company moved in with her boyfriend of two years, with her two teenage children. With a promise to marry, he convinced her to put the home in his name in an effort to help him re-build his credit.  Six months after they moved in, Carla was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  When she broached the subject of putting her name on the property, he refused and turned into a surly monster.  Nine months later after a lengthy legal battle, Carla died and he put her kids out of the house the next day and didn’t attend the funeral.

Debbie owned a nursery school when she met the “man of her dreams.” He was working on as “business deal” at the time and called himself a business consultant.  She could never quite figure out what he was doing to earn a living, but he drove a nice car and lived in a nice apartment, so she accepted his story.
Four months after they met, she convinced herself that she had finally met the husband she’d been waiting on.  Therefore, when he suggested to help her manage the business, she jumped at the idea.  When she mentioned the desire to get married, he hedged and hinted that it would certainly be somewhere on the horizon eventually.  However, at that moment he didn’t want anything to distract him from his goal of increasing her business.  So, to please him, she gave him free rein to run her nursery and even allowed him to sign checks.  Seven months later, he had stolen her business out from under her, and she was broke.  Sadly, the last I heard, she was under a doctor’s care for emotional distress and he had skipped town.

Joan was a real estate developer with property everywhere. She was determined to be married by the age of 40.  Therefore, when she turned 39 and met a guy who was “between jobs,” handsome and very interested in her, she literally took him in.  She dressed him up, bought him a car and moved him into her 10 room condominium.  Six months later, she did a pre-nup, married him and put him on her bank account.  Two months later, she came home from an overnight business trip, and he had moved out and cleaned out their bank account.  He didn’t leave a note.  Later, she discovered they weren’t legally married because he was still married to another woman in another state.

Alisa was a successful architect who was dating a computer analyst with a violent temper. She was totally intimidated by him, yet she continued on in the relationship against the advice of family and friends.  She claimed she loved him and she knew he loved her.  When he slapped her one night in front of all her friends at her birthday party, because she was talking to a guy he didn’t know, she refused to press charges.  Three months later, she married him and eight months later, he killed her brother before her eyes.  Her brother was visiting from out of town and stood up to protect his sister when the husband suddenly attacked her in a fit of anger.  He stabbed the brother twelve times with a knife from the kitchen sink.

Maggie was a criminal attorney who began dating her client while she was representing him, and after he was sentenced to prison for murder, she married him in prison. He was there for killing his ex-girlfriend with a knife.

Colleen, an accomplished surgeon, met a guy who was just starting up his own business. He was very charming and she was very impressed.  He claimed he didn’t have any money because he had sunk everything into his new business venture.  But with Colleen, he didn’t have to have money, because she felt his companionship “was worth whatever it costs.”  They took long trips at her expense and she bought him many expensive gifts.  A year later, they were married in Mexico.  However, when they arrived back home, he changed his mind about marriage and refused to move in with her.  The marriage was eventually annulled.

Sara, a schoolteacher, married a guy she knew had a drug problem, but she thought her loving support and a stable home environment would help him overcome his problems. A year after they were married, he depleted their bank account, and sold her car to a drug dealer for drugs.  The last I heard they had no electricity in their home, no running water and she was showering every morning at a neighbor’s home before she went to work.

Unfortunately, these kinds of choices are becoming too common among women in today’s world who are smart, but desperate to experience the ecstasy of “being in love.”  Unfortunately, too often it’s to their detriment.  Beware!


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