Are You On…A or B?
by K.L. Mincey
I was crying too, as I held the hand of a close friend whose ex-boyfriend’s wedding had occurred that morning. I was feeling pity for the both of us. She was distraught, because she had been involved with him for over five years in a relationship she deemed marriage-bound, and he had chosen to marry someone else. They had taken trips together, exchanged expensive gifts and pledged their undying love, and she had been blown away by “the betrayal.” Like me, she had never been married and it was a lifelong ambition to be so.
Through her tears that day, she kept repeating the question over and over again. “Why wasn’t I chosen?” A question that has often fell from the lips of many a woman who stood by perplexed and watched her “lover” choose to cross the threshold of marriage with someone other than herself. I ought to know. The same thing happened to me three years ago.
I was head over heels in love with a guy who was a master of innuendo, and I was convinced by all his hints about marriage that I would be the one he chose. But I was not. It took me a whole year to get over the pain of rejection, after spending days trying to figure out what the other woman had that I didn’t.
At 36, I have never been married, and I used to spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because no one had chosen me as a bride. Then I began meeting more and more women my age and older who had never married, and I began to feel better about myself, but I was still perplexed.
I decided to talk to my aunt who had married for the first time at the age of 50, and when she finished with me…I was straight.
- A woman must not be obsessed with becoming a bride or being part of a couple. She should not see herself as lacking in any way, because her time has not yet come to walk into divine partnership with her mate.
- She must also believe that there is someone out there in the universe for her, and that he will eventually come according to God’s timing.
- Meanwhile, instead of being in a consciousness of waiting, she should be in the midst of enjoying life to its fullest, so she’ll already be happy and content whenever love finds her.
- She should never be disheartened when the man in her life turns out to be somebody else’s guy. It only means that destiny has other plans.
- A woman should also never put quality time and effort into a relationship that is not yielding what she really wants.
When I finished talking to my aunt, I recalled all my previous relationships and how I had allowed most of the men I’d ever dated to put me on what my aunt call The “B” List. Of course, The ‘A” List meant you were the star in his life. When you’re on this list, you know in your heart that you’re not a priority, and you either accept or reject that status based on your range of loneliness at the time, or your self-esteem level.
Since that enlightening conversation, I no longer see myself as someone yet to be chosen. Now, I view myself as someone who is out to break through the self-imposed barriers of my mind, which had me feeling less than, because no man had ever asked me to be his wife. Now, I’m no longer waiting…I’m living.