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Ruins Of


By Coco Diong

February 6, 2018

My best friend’s boyfriend of four years just suddenly stopped calling, answering his phone and showing up.  When she finally cornered him at his job, after three weeks of missing in action, he told her he had been depressed about family matters and he just wanted some time to be alone.  Two weeks later, he married another woman in another state.  As of this writing, she is still taking Valium to sleep at night and drinking a fifth of vodka on the weekends.

Across the world, there are men and women who are being left on the doorstep of love, without the faintest clue as to why their feelings weren’t honored or returned.  The numbers are high where singles have been seated contentedly in relationships, which suddenly ended without an explanation that made sense to their egos or psyches.  Brides have been left at altars and hopeful fiancés have had their rings mailed back to them, and few were told why.

I myself, have fallen victim to what I call a “love hanging” where I was left dangling on the ends of my emotions, because a cowardly partner bit the dust with my heart in his pocket, and didn’t have the guts to tell me why.  I don’t think most realize what a person goes through when the relationship ends before we want it, and some of us just want to know why.  Our egos are sent topsy-turvy as we come to the bitter truth that someone we want doesn’t want us anymore.  We wonder if it’s because they have found someone who has what we don’t, or did they just get bored.  Most of us just want to know how we blew it, without having our feelings smashed.

I was once chased by a guy obsessively and when I turned around to finally give in to his persistence, he was gone. Perhaps, it was the hunger in my eyes.  I was overdue on a relationship and I probably looked a little starved.  Still, I’m convinced to this day that I somehow turned him off, and I’m dying to know how.   The problem is, it still bothers me.  What made his smiles of adoration go away?  Was it something I did or said?… Or was it that he finally saw my skinny legs (I wear pants all the time because I’m self-conscious).

Whatever the reason, the why still plagues me and I know I’m not alone.  I find that few people feel good when a relationship ends and they can’t understand why.  But the truth is that sometimes the why is inexplicable.  There aren’t always words for it. .  But it doesn’t mean that the rejected party is inadequate.  It just means it wasn’t the right fit.


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