by Coco Diong
November 30, 2017
I was in a complete state of shock the day I ran into my boyfriend coming out of a restaurant with his arm draped affectionately around the shoulders of another woman. In fact, I was in a state of shock for two reasons. First, she looked better than me, and she was obviously younger than me. I was 34 at the time, and I’m sure ol’ girl was about 20. I also knew instinctively that she was more than a friend.
When I called out his name, his face registered a sheepish look, but he kept walking. The woman had an amused look on her face, as I continued to call his name. I remember being too upset to enter the restaurant where I was meeting a friend for lunch. As I stood there contemplating my next move, my friend, who has never been on time in her life, came out the door and put her arms around me. She had seen the whole thing, and I have never felt such humiliation since then or before. Later, I learned through the grapevine that there was yet, another woman in the picture, and I had been walking around oblivious. Ironically, when I went crying to my sister about it, she suggested I do what many single women are doing now…share him. She even said and I quote, “some company is better than no company and men will always cheat.”
No one could have ever convinced me in a million years that this man who had been in my life for over two years had feelings for someone other than me. Later, as I reflected on our relationship, there was no visible evidence that I was not the only woman in his life. In fact, I was so blinded I would often brag about his fidelity to my friends, after they expressed their own suspicions about another woman in their relationships.
There are a number of women who knowingly go into triangle relationships feeling confident they have what it takes to swing “Johnny” over to their side of the room. Unfortunately, these women usually end up in heartbreak land with their dignity significantly reduced. I saw this happen when a close friend continued dating a guy after she caught him with another woman, but he confessed to her that he liked them both the same. She hung her star on the fact that he was a single man, whom she figured could be enticed and/or seduced out of the arms of a lesser woman. In other words, she thought she could win. But she didn’t, and I witnessed her lose her self-esteem in the battle.
Today, it seems more men are being upfront about other involvements, thereby giving prospective playmates the advance option of refusing to participate. I used to believe that it was obvious when a man was cheating, but not anymore. I am now totally convinced that a man can love more than one woman, and function with both of them as a devoted companion. When a friend’s father died recently, her mother discovered he had another family across town including a wife, and no one ever suspected.
One thing is for certain, I know that I will never share a man knowingly, but I sometimes wonder…how will I know if I am not?