The Holiday Dilemma – Who To Do What With …

The Holiday Dilemma

Who To Do What With

by Theo McNee

I had been dating this woman for four weeks when my friend Ed asked if I were taking her to my mother’s house for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  Suddenly, my mind was in turmoil.  We had been dating pretty heavy since we first met and I liked her. But I wasn’t ready to expose her to the scrutiny of my family. 

For the last two years, in my search for the right woman, I had brought two different women under the piercing eyes of my four sisters, and I wasn’t about to go through that again until I was sure of the quality of the relationship.  Plus, I wasn’t ready to have her see the intimate side of my life, and I expressed that to Ed.

He laughed, “Man I know what you mean.  I hate when the holidays roll around and I’m involved with a new woman for a short period of time.  You feel obligated to share family and buy an expensive gift for someone you barely know.  I asked you because I’m in a similar state.  I’ve been with Kay for almost two months, but I don’t feel like I should spend $200.00 on a gift. 

“And I know she expects to receive something expensive.  You know how women are, they associate cost with feelings.  And I’m not sure what my feelings are.  I know I’m not in love and she’s already hinting that she might be.  And like you, I don’t want to bring her around my family until I know she’s Ms. Right.”

Ed and I worked together and, as we walked to our respective offices, I recalled hearing this dilemma voiced by other male friends when the holidays loomed ahead.  I thought about what I did last year, and I was not proud of my decision.  I was dating a woman who was so fine, that her looks and body obscured her dullness. 

My family teased me forever about the hilarious joke my uncle told over Thanksgiving Dinner (that made some folks fall out their chairs) and how my then-girlfriend sat there with no smile, and a perplexed look.  The fact that she was dressed like she was going to a state dinner at the White House didn’t help either.  But she was so pretty, that I persisted in trying to help her be what I wanted, though it didn’t work.

I was still seeing her when Christmas drew near, and I contemplated greatly on what to buy her.  Interestingly, during that time, I came to realize that I was agonizing over buying a gift for someone more out of obligation than sincere desire. 

In reality, I didn’t want a gift from her, because I knew that after the holidays which included New Year’s Eve (unless I met someone more interesting) she would be history.  And if she bought me a gift, I’d have to buy her a gift.

So I did what any thinking man would do, who had only been with a woman six weeks and planned to dump her at the appropriate time.  I gave her a $50.00 gift certificate to her favorite store on Christmas Eve before she laid me out with an elaborate expensive dinner which included quail, and Cristal champagne. I must admit I felt some guilt after she presented me with a designer robe and slippers.

I decided I would go alone to my mother’s on Thanksgiving…continue to monitor my current relationship and review its status at Christmas time to see if it merited an invitation to the family compound or a simple bottle of perfume.

I had been dating this woman for four weeks when my friend Ed asked if I were taking her to my mother’s house for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  Suddenly, my mind was in turmoil.  We had been dating pretty heavy since we first met and I liked her. But I wasn’t ready to expose her to the scrutiny of my family. 

For the last two years, in my search for the right woman, I had brought two different women under the piercing eyes of my four sisters, and I wasn’t about to go through that again until I was sure of the quality of the relationship.  Plus, I wasn’t ready to have her see the intimate side of my life, and I expressed that to Ed.

He laughed, “Man I know what you mean.  I hate when the holidays roll around and I’m involved with a new woman for a short period of time.  You feel obligated to share family and buy an expensive gift for someone you barely know.  I asked you because I’m in a similar state.  I’ve been with Kay for almost two months, but I don’t feel like I should spend $200.00 on a gift. 

“And I know she expects to receive something expensive.  You know how women are, they associate cost with feelings.  And I’m not sure what my feelings are.  I know I’m not in love and she’s already hinting that she might be.  And like you, I don’t want to bring her around my family until I know she’s Ms. Right.”

Ed and I worked together and, as we walked to our respective offices, I recalled hearing this dilemma voiced by other male friends when the holidays loomed ahead.  I thought about what I did last year, and I was not proud of my decision.  I was dating a woman who was so fine, that her looks and body obscured her dullness. 

My family teased me forever about the hilarious joke my uncle told over Thanksgiving Dinner (that made some folks fall out their chairs) and how my then-girlfriend sat there with no smile, and a perplexed look.  The fact that she was dressed like she was going to a state dinner at the White House didn’t help either.  But she was so pretty, that I persisted in trying to help her be what I wanted, though it didn’t work.

I was still seeing her when Christmas drew near, and I contemplated greatly on what to buy her.  Interestingly, during that time, I came to realize that I was agonizing over buying a gift for someone more out of obligation than sincere desire.  In reality, I didn’t want a gift from her, because I knew that after the holidays which included New Year’s Eve (unless I met someone more interesting) she would be history.  And if she bought me a gift, I’d have to buy her a gift.

So I did what any thinking man would do, who had only been with a woman six weeks and planned to dump her at the appropriate time.  I gave her a $50.00 gift certificate to her favorite store on Christmas Eve before she laid me out with an elaborate expensive dinner which included quail, and Cristal champagne. I must admit I felt some guilt after she presented me with a designer robe and slippers.

I decided I would go alone to my parents’ on Thanksgiving…continue to monitor my current relationship and review its status at Christmas time to see if it merited an invitation to the family compound.