Socializing: Acts Of Courage

Socializing:

Acts Of Courage

by Bonita Bennett

The Gang’s All Here  – You’re out to dine with friends.  You order a salad and lemonade.  Your friends order steak, lobster, and at least two apiece of the latest flavored martinis.  You shake your head in invisible despair because you know the standard in this group is to split the check evenly, regardless of what you ordered.  Though your money is funny and you don’t think it’s fair, you say nothing.  You go along to get along but you’re miserable with your decision.  What to do. Flip on your courage button and announce as soon as you give the waiter your order, that you’d prefer a separate check.  It’s what independent thinkers do.

Saying No With A Smile – After you finish telling your pushy cousin that you and your boyfriend just broke up, she assumes you’re going to be free on the weekend and asks you to babysit her three boys because she has a hot date.  It’s the last thing you want to do.  Her boys are the worst-behaved kids in the family. The last time you had them, they kept stepping on your dog’s tail and broke three of your favorite glasses. What to do. If you feel NO…say it! Insist that you have other plans, even if the only thing you plan to do is paint your toes.  

The Invitation Lockout: OK.  So, you didn’t receive an invitation to an event you expected to receive an invitation to. You’re disappointed. But though, it feels like a kick in the gut, you must restrain yourself from feeling looked over or accosting the host about your lack of an invite. Don’t take it personally. What to do. Intellectualize what you perceive as a slight and focus on the fact that you can never miss being where you’re supposed to be.

Reconcile Conflict: When a cousin’s best friend made an ugly comment regarding her, which she felt was very offensive, she “ghosted” her.  She cut her off without a word and left her hanging to figure it out.  Unfortunately, it is common practice to be offended by someone, and never tell them…but tell others. There are many who are ignored and condemned for various infractions they don’t even know they committed. One guy was passed over for promotion because he failed to thank his boss for the wedding gift he gave him. It turned out that his boss was angered by what he viewed as ingratitude, but never expressed it. Yet, the man was penalized for his “sin” without ever knowing why. What to do?  Make sure you are never guilty of doing this to anyone.  Being upfront with others is a mark of strong character and guts.