Career: 20 Ways To Make The “Budget Cuts”

Career

 20 Ways To Be In

The “Budget Cuts”

by James McClurg

When “layoffs” occur, many of those affected sometimes feel perplexed or shocked about why it happened to them.  It is important to understand that when a company gets ready to make such a decision, they seldom let go anyone who is considered an exemplary employee.  When they’re going down the list, an evaluation is usually made of one’s performance and overall attitude in the workplace.  The following are some surefire ways to insure your name being considered or included when budget cutting or financial standing dictates such actions.

• Be sure to let your boss know either through facial expressions, body language and/or mumbled expletives that you feel at best, he/she does not qualify to be your boss.
• Always be ready to debate any mention or hint of change to be made. Become known as a person who does not respond well to change and voice it.
• Never overlook an infraction or slight as it relates to you. Take everything the boss says or does in your direction as personal.
• Forget about being careful about what you say and who you say it to.
• Acquire a reputation for being evasive, aloof and secretive. Don’t be a team player.  Stay in your own corner and keep others out.  Be fearful that someone may copy your skills and let it be known.
• Always be right and let no one appear smarter than you.
• Never seek advice or direction from anyone at work. Act as if you’re the only one who knows what you’re doing.
• Only do what the assignment calls for. Never go beyond the request or the duty.
• Be an egomaniac. Forget skill.  Fake your way.  Pretend to know what you don’t.
• Forget protocol. Tell everyone what you actually think and always follow it up in writing.
• Make as many enemies as possible, by being ill-mannered, short-tempered and incompetent.
• Never be open to the ideas and suggestions of other co-workers, or your boss.
• Sulk openly when you don’t get your way.
• Never act as if you like what you do.  Embrace the philosophy that they may give you too much work.
• Work hard at having three adjectives used when your name is mentioned, difficult, problematic and inept.
• Forget efficiency and productivity. Watch the clock until it’s time to go home.  Stare out of the window often.
• Only do what you want to do.
• If you have power, exert it with a passion.
• Always move real slow when asked to do something. Develop the turtle mode.  .
• Call in sick often and always have an excuse ready when asked to do anything extra.
• Show no interest in the company’s interests. Make a habit of saying “I only work here.”
• Tell the boss what others are not doing so that he’ll appreciate you more.
• Never accept criticism or instruction from someone you feel is unqualified in their position.
• Be obnoxious in speech and in manner.
• Establish a reputation for having loyalty to no one. Practice being a backstabber.